RomanceDOTcom
by Capheine
Summary: AU Welcome to Cyberspace, a place where DOM's, stalkers and those with lives too terrible to live exist. When Tohru logs onto this virtual world, she seeks solace from her own horrible reality. Will she find a longlost friend? KxT [COMPLETE]
1. Morning

-- @Romance.com --

** 01: Morning**

Wednesday April 21, 2004

**_Capheine says:  _**New fic!  Yosh!  This was stewing in my brain for a while until it exploded into an entirely new plot and hit me like a cold day in June.  This'll be my most dramatic story yet, and I hope you enjoy.

            Be ready for slight fluff (no lemon).  I've also dropped the use of honorifics and random Japanese words because I found that they're difficult to juggle and usually turn out incorrect.  Regardless, enjoy!

**_Disclaimers dictate:_** Fruits Basket ain't mine.

-=+=-

            The ring of the phone woke Tohru from her guilty sleep.  Her desk lamp nearly blinded her and she snatched the receiver off the hook.  "Hello?" she mumbled groggily.

            There was no answer.  Only random beeps and clicks pounded into her tired ears.  

Faxes, ugh.  

She gently lay the phone down and had to concentrate before she could correctly place it back.  Faint light seeped through uneven window blinds letting Tohru blankly stare at the thick textbooks and journals spread around her.  It took her a moment to register that she _should have_ been working on the paper that was due for class in two days.  She had only taken a quick nap, besides she should be getting back to bed it was only…

8:12?!

She grabbed her digital clock and shook it for all it was technologically worth before setting it back down again.  Tohru groaned weakly and struggled to sit up properly.  Her computer screen blipped back on from hibernation, and the half-completed paper glared back at her in 256 colours.

College and work.  Work and college.  A merry-go-round of chaos that spun her round and round until she was nauseous from the labour.

            Was there any escape?  She was too tired to consider any.

            It was time to get back on the hamster wheel.  Her fingers clacked uselessly against the keyboard.  Words weren't coming out of her fingers.  They could barely come out of her mouth.  Advanced biology?  What the hell was biology?!

            She brought two hands to her forehead, "Concentrate Tohru, come on.  You can do this."

            Again, she tried stringing coherent words together, but found her mind wandering again.  Soon she was leaned back on her chair, wondering if Ronald McDonald had a day job.

            She knew she should have been concentrating.  But reality was such an ugly place to focus her attention.  She was falling behind in school; new concepts and facts flying past her head.  Her workplace was filled with vicious hyenas who would sacrifice anyone for a cheap laugh.  Her mother was sick and possibly dying.  She had lost herself in this crappy thing she called a life.

            "Smile!" proclaimed an oh-so cuddly kitten poster taped up above her computer monitor.  Tohru's cheek muscles hurt.  She didn't want to smile, but using her fingers pulled the ends of her mouth up into a sardonic grin.  Did the kitten really think that one simple phrase would work?  The kitten didn't have homework to worry about.  The kitten didn't need to think about grocery lists or unfinished chores.  No, it lived in it's own little cuddly, welcoming 2-D world.

"Oh stop being so pessimistic already!" her inner voice told her.  "It's just a poster!"

            Tohru actually felt guilty.

The poster had been given to her by a childhood friend and suddenly she had the urge to look through her elementary yearbooks.  A temporary escape from all the worries of the grown-up world.

"Stupid stupid stupid!  You should be working!  Remember?  The paper?!" the adult Tohru inside her head reminded her.

            An innocent glance was all it would be.  Nothing more than a peek at the past, she argued back.

            She shuffled her way to the bookshelf and pulled out a particularly fat yearbook.  It was fairly dusty, and Tohru reminded herself of the chores that needed to be completed after the paper.

            There's so much work to… 

Again, she had to pinch herself to make her remain optimistic.  After all, optimism was basically the only reason why she continued her life this way.  Things would get better eventually.  Eventually.

            She split the pages of the fat book open and watched the pictures flip by, feeling wave upon wave of memories.  It was comforting and saddening at the same time.  Knowing that there was something in the past that was better than all this, and wanting so badly to sink into it once again.

            Tohru simply sighed.

            Watching the photos flick past, she saw her little self smiling.  Sweet, innocent, childish happiness.  And gradually, the same smile pasted itself onto her present face.  Things would get better.  She trusted herself enough to guarantee that.

            The paused at one picture and noticed a little boy sitting behind her.  He had turned away from the camera with bashfulness and all she could see was the back of his baseball cap.  Flipping to another picture, Tohru noticed the same boy with her again.  They were running a race, and the boy was obviously faster than her struggling self; but he had linked hands with her, and was pulling her along, urging her to keep up with the pace of the race.

            She flipped from one picture to the next, and in nearly all of them, she was with that same baseball cap-wearing boy.

            _Kyou._

            It was odd how the name came so easily to her.

            She wanted that past back.  She adored the idea of recess and monkey bars.  She wished to hear the jingle of the ice cream truck and feel the dusty sidewalk chalk again.  She wanted to be back in the past, being dragged along by a boy she once called a friend.

            _Kyou._  

"I have his e-mail address," she whispered, still absorbed with the paper memories she held in her hands.

She paused.

It was odd how she had suddenly remembered this fact.

It was odd how an elementary yearbook could make her heart beat so fast.  It was only a handful of memories, but somehow she felt she could sustain herself upon them.  They would let her escape from this excuse for a life and show her that maybe time travel was possible.  She wanted to leave everything behind and start all over again.

            She rummaged around her bookshelf and finally located a slender grade school diary.  Tohru hoped her old self had been smart enough to keep his precious e-mail address buried between the pages.  Entry after entry, searching for something that would assure her that this life wasn't a total loss.

            And finally, a small slip of paper tucked in between entries marked _June 27 _and _July 8._  The endearing schoolboy writing made her heart melt and freeze at the same time.

Probability smashed her head on like a cartoon anvil.  In this technologically advancing age, what were the chances that he had maintained the same e-mail account?  Nearly ten years was a pretty long time to keep an e-mail address.

            _Kyou._

            The name sent shivers down to the tips of her fingers.  Logic didn't matter to her.  Besides, she hated math, probability was something she didn't want to consider.  She just wished to dive into the past again.

            Jiggling the mouse frantically, Tohru woke her monitor from dreary blackness.  She logged on to her instant messenger as quickly as possible, and cursed her slow Internet.  To her, every second wasted meant another second that Kyou was slipping past her fingers.

            It was an illogical thought, but reality didn't matter.  All that mattered was bringing back her past.  

            She added him to her contacts list.  Amazingly, he was suddenly online.

            It had worked.

            It had worked?

            It couldn't be that easy.  Maybe she had made a mistake, maybe… 

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:**

****Hi

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:**

It's Tohru.

-=+=-

**_Capheine says: _**Yus yus, I realize it actually is quite boring right now, but believe me, it'll get better.  (Or at least in my opinion it gets better).  Anywho, I appreciate comments as well as criticism.  Feel free to flame, as long as it's justified.  Thanks for reading!

            Oh, and this is an AU (alternate universe) fic.  So the curse does not apply.

Wednesday April 21, 2004


	2. Connections

-- @Romance.com --

** 02: Connections**

Wednesday April 21, 2004

**_Capheine says:  _**And here we are with chapter two!  Enjoy reading!  Same things apply here as they did in the first chapter.

            Oh, and thanks a lot to my beta reader, kcarrie, who is responsible for this lengthy chapter.  Her and her "character development".  Pff.  XP

            And for those who didn't know, the acronym DOM stands for "Dirty Old Man".

            One last note o_o;;  Any e-mail addresses found in this story are fictional, and under no circumstances should you try e-mailing anything to them.

            Well, enjoy reading!

**_Disclaimers dictate:  _**It's a piece of _fan_fiction… so I'm assuming that you're assuming what I'm assuming.  Assumptions rock.

-=+=-

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Hi

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **It's Tohru

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **And I'm hoping that you're the childhood friend that I once knew

**Ugly #13; says:  **Depends, define "childhood friend".

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **O_O; Well umm… we did stuff together?

**Ugly #13; says:  **That ain't cutting it

**Ugly #13; says:  **You know, why am I wasting my time on some nobody who suddenly pops up and claims that she used to be one of my oldest friends?

            "Wow, two seconds into the conversation and already he's reluctant to talk.  Tohru dear, this isn't a very good sign," Tohru mumbled to herself.  The words on the screen stunned her, and she wondered how anyone could be so suspicious.

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Can't you trust me?  It's not like I'll lie!

**Ugly #13; says:  **Are you stupid or something?!  This is the INTERNET!

**Ugly #13; says:  **I can't tell if you're actually a girl or some 40-year-old pervert.

**Ugly #13; says:  **You have 10 seconds to explain or else I'm blocking you

**Ugly #13; says:  **8 seconds…

            Tohru was beginning to like him less and less.  Was this the sweet, little boy she had once befriended?  Her saviour from the past had become a bratty demon instead.

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **I'm sorry if I've offended you or anything of the sort

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **I was just looking for an old childhood friend I used to know

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **I can see that I'm wasting your time and probably have the wrong person anyway

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **I'm sorry for disturbing you

            So this is what her life had resulted in.  This was her only escape from the unpleasant present.  Some escape.

He was supposed to trust her.  He was supposed to be relieved to have found an old friend.  This was supposed to be one of those really cheesy movies where the heroine is reunited with her old friend and they hug and cry and do all the stuff that made it a cheesy movie.  Too bad reality sucked instead.

            Tohru wanted to cry.  She had naively expected the hunk of technology in front of her to reunite her with her past.  And this was the result.  An uncaring stranger who would rather hurt her than lend a helping hand.

She simply stared at the screen and read his words over and over.  Hurtful and distrusting.  Growing up really did things to people… and sadly they were not good things.

            She had so earnestly hoped that maybe he had stayed the same innocent child.  That maybe life hadn't screwed him up as much as it had her.  "Change happens, dear," she told herself.  "Change… even when you don't need it."

            Just as she was about to sign off, a 'New Message' window popped up.

**Ugly #13; says:  **Wait

**Ugly #13; says:  **I didn't mean it

**Ugly #13; says:  **I didn't think you'd take me seriously

**Ugly #13; says:  **I gues what I'm trying to say is…

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Oh… ^^;; Sorry, I tend to take things seriously… forgive me?__

**Ugly #13; says:  **AUGH!

**Ugly #13; says:  **I'm the one apologizing so let me apologize!

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Ah!  Sorry about that

**Ugly #13; says:  **What did I just say?!

**Ugly #13; says:  **You know what, never mind

**Ugly #13; says:  **Just tell me who you are, and what you're here for

**Ugly #13; says:  **… and sorry for being so… me.

            _A second chance._

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **I don't really know what to say… umm…

**Ugly #13; says:  **If you really were my friend, wouldn't you already have some sort of memory lined up to tell me?

**Ugly #13; says:  **You're not providing me a lot to trust you by

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **…

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **No offence, but could you try to be a little more patient?

**Ugly #13; says:  **Patience isn't really my thing

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Oh… I noticed that

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Where should I start?

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **My name's Tohru.  I went to Kaibara Elementary.  You gave me your e-mail address the day you moved away.  You always wore a baseball cap, even though you hated the sport.  You always loved the rooftops and cloud-watching.  Obsessed with the sky, you were.  And… you were my best friend.

            She didn't know what else to write.  Everything had just popped out of her fingers so fast.  

Tohru had remembered what she had forgotten for so long; something buried in the attic of her mind, dusty with age and unuse.

**Ugly #13; says:  **Bravo my friend.  You've wowed me so far

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **I'm sorry, but I have to ask

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **How do I know that you're not faking either?  That I've gotten the right e-mail address?

            Tohru seriously doubted that she had the address of any other person but Kyou.  But it didn't hurt to check.  The supposed boy sitting at the other end had given her a nasty reminder about the threat of the technological age.

            _He isn't a boy anymore,_ she reminded herself.  _He'd be … 21 by now.  The same age as me.  Certainly not little boy material._

**Ugly #13; says:  **You fell off your bike once and cut your knee.  It was bleeding a lot, and you thought you were gonna die.  You had to get stitches, and you were left with an oddly-shaped heart scar on your right knee

            Tohru stared down into her lap.  She had nearly forgotten about that scar.  It had faded now and nearly healed, but it was still there.  However…

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **I could swear that I was on my scooter

**Ugly #13; says:**  Nah… you were definitely on your bike.  I remember it perfectly.  It was all pink and unicorny… 

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Yea, but so was my scooter.  I could swear I was on my scooter.  After all, it's my scarred knee

**Ugly #13; says:**  You were probably too traumatized to make sense of it all.  You were on your bike

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Scooter

**Ugly #13; says: ** Bike

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Scooter

**Ugly #13; says: ** Scooter

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Ahh.. so we agree

**Ugly #13; says: ** Damn… you were supposed to say bike.  Damn cartoons and their misleading tactics

            Tohru smiled.  

Then it hit her.  She was actually being _friendly_.  She was beginning to trust the faceless nobody on the other side of the screen. 

            It terrified her.

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **I have to go now.

**Ugly #13; says:  **Aww, but we were just getting started

**Ugly #13; says:  **… Not that I really care or anything.  But you know… just to check that you aren't that perverted old man.

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **I'm not

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **But I have to do some chores now

**Ugly #13; says:  **I guess I'll talk to you later then… right?

            She panicked.  He was a faceless nobody.  

_But he's a faceless nobody who knows about your pink and unicorn-y bike.  A faceless nobody who you…_

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Sure

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Byee

**Ugly #13; says:**  See ya

-=+=-

            "Earth to Tohru, do you copy?"

            "Huh… wha?"

            "Order up Tohru!  Get it before the customer starts bitching," responded the short-order cook.

            Tohru scooped up the 'Breakfast Special' and delivered it to the suit-wearing, cellphone-blathering customer.  "That'll be $4.89," she said.

            He handed her a five-dollar bill and mouthed "Keep the change."  Tohru bowed, and promptly returned to daydreaming.

            "Yo Tohru!  Coffee refills!!" the manager screeched.  "You've been letting your mind escape you far to much, missy.  Better watch it, otherwise you'll find your ass out on the street!"

            Then he laughed in the snorty way he always did.  Tohru merely smiled and obediently picked up the coffeepot filled will cheap, watery coffee.  Doing her rounds with the pot, Tohru wondered which customers may have looked like Kyou.

            _Maybe Kyou looks like him, _she contemplated, while taking peeks at a man sitting with his wife.  _Nah, too old.  _

_            Does he have black hair or brown?  What about his eyes… what colour are his eyes?  WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER THIS?!_

Hot coffee sloshed over the sides of the pot, and Tohru nearly dropped it.  Her manager sent her a warning glare from across the room.

            _"_Sorry, my-my mistake," Tohru called across the room.  She bowed politely to her supervisor and continued her way around the tables.

            _Why did my yearbook have to be in black and white?  It's pitiful.  I can't even remember the simplest things about him!  I wonder if he remembers how I look.  _

"Order up!" rang out the voice of the cook.

            Tohru collected the tips from a few tables and rushed back to the front counter.

            The door chimes jingled, and a rather handsome, red-haired man stepped in from the rain outside.  Tohru whizzed to his seat and asked, "May I take your order?"

            "Just coffee," he mumbled gruffly.

            _Why can't I remember what Kyou looks like?  _Tohru thought while fetching the coffee pot again.

            "I suggest you try out coffee with a lot of sugar and milk.  _A lot,_" she repeated earnestly.  "It dilutes the… er… taste."

            The man looked up at her with the most amazing red eyes.  Automatically, Tohru blushed.  "I drink it black," he commented.  

He promptly took one big gulp, swallowed, and shivered.

            Snapping out of her hormone-driven daze, Tohru asked, "Are you okay?  I'm sorry I didn't warn you more!  I should have…"

            "Yo Tohru!  Shift's over!"

            The red-haired man flinched.  He glanced at Tohru quickly and averted his gaze towards her chest.  Tohru hated dealing with people like him.  "Sorry sir, m-my face is up here," she said mustering all the courage she could.

            He blushed.  "I was just checking your name tag."

            "O-oh," she stuttered, before trying to walk away coolly.

            _One thing's for sure,_ she told herself.  _Kyou would definitely **not** be like that man._

-=+=-

Neatly placing her shoes on the rack, Tohru entered her apartment and turned on the lights.  She was happy to be home, but more eager to check her e-mail inbox; even though she knew she shouldn't be.

She strode to her workroom and leaned against the doorframe.  The computer at the other end of the room beckoned her.  Her fingers itched to sign on and talk to Kyou.  _Or talk to a stalker, _a voice in her head said plainly.

A stalker.

            This person could be a stalker.  This supposed Kyou could want to hurt her.  This so-called boy could tear her heart apart and leave her for the wolves.  This was the Internet.  This was the sea of anonymity.  This was fear in a computerized box.

            The two sides tore at her mind.  Kyou was her childhood friend.  That man at the other end could be Kyou; could be comfort.

            But was it even a man?  She couldn't tell, she could only hope.

            Tohru looked out the window, staring at the grid of balconies and windows of the adjacent building.  "I'll have to make a decision now.  Do I want to continue this relationship?" she asked.

            _Take a chance._

_            [Better safe than sorry]_

_            He's the one_

_            [Crazy as he may be]_

She plopped in front of the computer and logged into her account.  "I can be hopeful when I want, " she resolved.  "I know I can only find comfort in the past; in this Kyou."

-=+=-

            There were no new messages.

            The revelation slapped her across the face.

            But there had to be!  Kyou had to be looking for her, hoping for her!  Just as she had been hoping for him.

            _He doesn't care_.

            She could live with that.

            _He doesn't care._

Or could she?

            Her past comfort had escaped her again.  Was there a point to life if the past, present and near future offered nothing?

            Tohru shook the thought from her head.  She wasn't going to get depressed over an empty inbox.  She had to remain optimistic, as she had always been.  There was always a silver lining.

Her whole head swirled as it rearranged the thoughts in her brain.  It occurred to her that she was becoming too dependent on a person she hadn't seen in years.  Her present was pretty bad, but lending her heart to some nobody was a stupid move.  She could stay by herself.  She could live by herself.  She could survive by herself.

            Case closed, end of story.

            She turned away from the screen, and began to walk out of the room.  There were chores to be done, meals to cook, floors to clean.  However, she couldn't stop herself from taking one longing glance back, wishing that independence didn't have such a price.

-=+=-

"Tohru, get your butt over here.  I have to tell you something," her manager called darkly.

            Today was Tuesday.  Traffic on Tuesdays was always slow, and consequently, her manager was always grumpy today.  Tohru ignored his unfriendly tone and walked over to the front counter.

            "Get your ass in gear, or I'm firing you." 

            Tohru smiled at his threat.  He had said this many times before, but never actually dismissed her.

            "Wipe that stupid ass smile off your face, 'cause missy, I'm serious.  You are this close…" he held up his thumb and index finger, "from being fired.  Don't think that there aren't fresh faces like yours waiting for this job."

            _It's The Lecture,_ Tohru thought to herself.  The regular speech that he would recite to her whenever she had accidentally chipped one plate too many.  She remained smiling and turned to walk away.

            "Did you hear me, Tohru?  Are you deaf or mute or something?" her manager jeered.  "You think I don't know that you _need_ this job to keep your ass off the streets?"

            Whistles went off in her head.  She didn't like the direction this conversation was headed.

            "In this place, I am like God.  In this place you hang on to every word I say.  In this place, I say 'jump' and you ask 'how high?'," he continued.

"I'm sorry to say this sir, but I…" Tohru began to protest.

"Don't you start whining with me," he snapped.  

Tohru was shocked.  She understood that her manager could be a tad unreasonable at times, but these were _her rights _they were talking about.  In fact, she would have quit on the spot if she didn't need the income.  She hated the "if" in that statement; it just proved how right her supervisor was.

"Order up!" the short-order cook yelled.

Tohru stayed staring at the manager.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about!  Get your ass in gear already Tohru!  Or did you stupid little head not register what I just said?  GET MOVING!" he yelled.

She hung her head and left obediently.

-=+=-

            "Shift's over, you can leave," her manager called from across the room.  His tone was deader than usual.

            Tohru immediately stopped smiling.  It was so much easier to frown.  She trod into the locker room.

Tohru returned her uniform to her cramped locker and changed into more comfortable shoes.  Through the grimy, thin walls, she could still hear the hustle and bustle of the diner; the rushed orders of customers, sizzling of rusty grills, frenzied… frenzied…

            And she began to cry.  In the center of the locker room, all she could do was bury her face in her hands and sob.

            _Remain optimistic.  Life will deliver you.  You'll get what you have worked for,_ she thought over and over.  But it wouldn't stop the tears.

            She was just so tired and lonely.

            So hopeless.

            _You'll get what you have worked for…_ her mantra trailed off into the bleakness of the gray room.

            She lifted her face from her hands, and peered around the small room.  This place hated her.  It suffocated her.  In these walls, there were no future.  Open and close the door, there's never anyone waiting.  Shut the blinds, close the curtains, no one knows what's in your head.  No one knows…

            "STOP!"she screamed to the ugly walls.  "Stop!  I'm better than all this, and I'll stay waiting.  My happily ever after will come!  I won't let this get me down… I won't let this get me down…"

            She ran out the back door, into the alley behind the diner.  The fresh air enveloped her and she could breathe.  For now, she had escaped.  But tomorrow there would be another maddening shift waiting for her.  Tomorrow, she would be tossed back into the spin cycle of gray.  Tomorrow, she would…

            Tohru stared up at the bright blue sky with equally blue eyes.  If this was what life gave her, then God help her, she would make lemonade. 

            _I'll live through this_.

-=+=-

            Arriving safely home by transit, Tohru rushed into her building's lobby.  It was noon and already she had used all her fingers and toes to count the tasks that were waiting for her at home.

Completely ignoring the faulty elevator, she marched up the stairway, finally reaching her floor while slightly out of breath.  Fumbling for the right key, she opened her apartment door.  Tohru carefully removed her shoes and placed them on the rack.

            She settled in front of her computer and jiggled the screen awake.  Remembering her little episode in the diner she promised herself, _I won't cry if I don't see any new messages.  I will become a stronger person._

            Her inbox alert indicated nothing new.  Tohru sighed, then took a deep breath.  "Well, that's the end of that then.  He probably hates me or forgot that I existed," she reasoned.  "But I can survive without him."

            (_But I want to be with him.  I want to sink into my past and watch the clouds again… with him, with Kyou.  See the birds fly and play with the breeze.)_

Tohru realized how dependent she had become on the thought of Kyou; and how ridiculous it must have been to do so.  She could survive on her own, as long as she believed and kept on believing.

            Regardless, she signed on to her instant messenger.

            "You're hopeless Tohru," she said, finally smiling.

-=+=-

**Ugly #13; says:  **Where have you been?

            The message was instant and straightforward.  Tohru's smile grew into a grin, as she replied to the eager friend on the other end of the conversation.

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **I'm sorry!  Work and stuff, and I was expecting an e-mail instead of online conversations

**Ugly #13; says:  **You really have to stop apologizing so much

**Ugly #13; says:  **I'm not an e-mail kind of person… like I said, I don't have a lot of patience

**Ugly #13; says:  **But I'm not trying to rush you into a conversation or anything.  If you don't want to talk that's fine by me

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **You're so cute when you act all uncaring and stuff ^^

**Ugly #13; says:  **CUTE?!  Woah woah woah, I'm not a cute person

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **I'm pretty sure you would be.  Just the way you act; it's easy to read your personality

**Ugly #13; says:  **This conversation has officially crossed the boundaries of weirdness

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says: ** Ack!  Sorry!

**Ugly #13; says:  **Enough with the sorries already

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Oh… sorry

**Ugly #13; says:  **You're doing it on purpose now aren't you?  Aren't you?!

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **^^

            It was strange to see how much happier she could be with a few clicks of a mouse and tapping on the keyboard.  Already her day seemed brighter, even with a possible loss of job looming over her head.

**Ugly #13; says:  **So how's life on your end of the screen going?

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **I don't want to complain… but not so good

**Ugly #13; says:  **That doesn't really qualify as complaining

**Ugly #13; says:  **Complaining is more like… "Oh boo hoo, my life sucks.  The world sucks.  This place sucks.  Everything sucks except for the vacuum cleaner.  Woe is me!"  Followed by a lot of angst swirls

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Angst swirls?

**Ugly #13; says:  **You know, like in anime.

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Sure

**Ugly #13; says:  **Besides, you don't seem to be the person to complain

**Ugly #13; says:  **I can read your personality from here

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  ***gasp*  Are you teasing me?

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Okay, new rule.  Every time you tease me, you have to repay me with one hug when we meet

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **Hug tally is at one

            The idea instantly leapt from her heart onto the screen.  Judging by his pause in replying, he was as surprised at the proposal as she was.

            What was she thinking?  A meeting and a hug?

            "So it's official, Tohru my dear," she said to herself.  "You trust this person."

            Her heart pumped a little faster and unconsciously her cheeks reddened.  "You trust this person," she repeated.

            Tohru smiled.

**[ Onigiri Pride ] says:  **And just so that I don't forget

**[ Hug Tally: 1 ] says:  **There

**Ugly #13; says:  **You're joking right?

**[ Hug Tally: 1 ] says:  **Nope, I think I'm serious

**Ugly #13; says:  **I don't believe you

**[ Hug Tally: 1 ] says:  **I don't believe me either ^^

**Ugly #13; says:  **Has anyone ever told you you're crazy?

**[ Hug Tally: 1 ] says:  **Not to my face ^^  Dumb maybe, a little confused perhaps, but never crazy

**Ugly #13; says:  **Well there's a first time for everything.  You're crazy.

**[ Hug Tally: 2 ] says:  **Tsk tsk my friend, you've just earned another hug

**Ugly #13; says:  **You know, with all this hugging business, we'll eventually have to meet

**[ Hug Tally: 2 ] says:  **You don't mind do you?  I'm okay with it… but if you feel uncomfortable, that's okay.  Sorry for bringing it up.

**Ugly #13; says:  **1) Stop apologizing, 2) I'm okay with it, 3) When?

**[ Hug Tally: 2 ] says:  **I'll e-mail you about it later

**Ugly #13; says:  **I told you already, I'm not an e-mail kind of person

**[ Hug Tally: 2 ] says:  **I'm really sorry, but I can't stay online forever  ._.;;

**Ugly #13; says:  **Fine!  

**Ugly #13; says:  **If it'll make you stop apologizing so much, I'll use the stupid e-mail!

**[ Hug Tally: 2 ] says:  **I'm sorry

**Ugly #13; says:  **… For what?

**[ Hug Tally: 2 ] says:  **… actually, I don't know

**Ugly #13; says:  **Exactly!  Stop being so sorry already

**[ Hug Tally: 2 ] says:  **Point taken.  I have to go now

**Ugly #13; says:  **Sure sure, just don't forget to e-mail me

**[ Hug Tally: 2 ] says:  **I won't, ttyl

**Ugly #13; says:  **Sure, g'bye

**[ Hug Tally: 2 ] says:  **Byee

-=+=-

**_From: _**tohnigiri@hotmail.com ( Tohru )

**_To: _**13th_parallel@hotmail.com ( None of your business )

**_Topic:  _**Meet up

Before anything, you sure you're okay with this?  I mean, with meeting up?

-=+=-

**_From:_**  13th_parallel@hotmail.com ( None of your business )

**_To:  _**tohnigiri@hotmail.com ( Tohru )

**_Topic:  _**Re: Meet up

I'm sure.  It'll be good to talk face to face rather than to a computer monitor.

And I swear I'm not some stalker.  Or a DOM.  Or a woman.  No, I believe I'm 100% guy… 

So, any specifics?

-=+=-

**_From: _**tohnigiri@hotmail.com ( Tohru )

**_To: _**13th_parallel@hotmail.com ( None of your business)

**_Topic:  _**Re: Re: Meet up

  Under the big willow tree at Golden Lion Park?  1:00 p.m.?

  Oh, I guarantee you that I'm not a DOM either… or DOW if you want to be technical.

-=+=-

**_From:_**  13th_parallel@hotmail.com ( None of your business )

**_To:  _**tohnigiri@hotmail.com ( Tohru )

**_Topic:  _**Re: Re: Re: Meet up

DOW?  The thought never crossed my mind.

All fine with me, I guess I'll see you there then.

-=+=-

            _I'm late!  _Tohru panicked.  _It's already 1:20!  How could I let this happen?!  What if he got fed up and left?  Or thought that I was joking!  What if he never talks to me again?!_

She was hurriedly walking her way over to Golden Lion Park, frantic about the time and doing last minute touch-ups.  _I hope what I'm wearing isn't too tacky,_ she thought.  She smoothed out the creases that spontaneously popped out on her only spring dress.  It was a cream colour with small pink blossoms embroidered by the hem.  _What if I get too cold?  Then I'll look like a shivering idiot!  Augh!  Now, it's 1:24!!_

She paused at an intersection, and fixed up her hair.  Her eyes flicked up to look at the pedestrian signal.

Then she saw him.  

He was leaning against the willow tree, exactly where planned.  Everything suddenly slowed down.  He was animatedly chatting with a pretty, brown-haired girl.  His purple hair was tussled by the breeze and his hands were tucked demurely in his pockets.  He was perfect.  She had missed him so much.

            Suddenly, he looked up with a deep violet gaze and smiled at her.

            She knew it was him.  That had to be Kyou.

            Tohru's eyes watered, "Kyou!"

            Tohru ran across the street, eager to reach him, eager to hug him, eager to share those sweet memories.

            _Kyou_.

            A screech of tires.

            Tohru was no longer running. 

-=+=-

**_Capheine says:  _***collective gasp*  Yep.  That's all I'm saying for now.

Sunday May 02, 2004


	3. Hello Stranger

-- Romance.com --

**03: Hello Stranger**

Friday April 23, 2004

_**Capheine says: **Oo;;; Sorry this chapter took ages to get up. As you can see, I started writing it about a month ago, but I had problems with the flow and the plot and the chapter itself. .. Me dun like this chapter._

_ Well, I hope you enjoy it anyway._

_**Disclaimers dictate: **Oh puh-leeze… me? An artist? Ha. Ha. Ha. You crack me up._

* * *

At first everything was fuzzy and muffled. A distant beeping. Blotches of light and dark. A disembodied voice. Tohru's heart beat faster. Was she dead?

She shook the thought from her head. Actually, she casually moved her head side to side. Shaking required force; something Tohru was in short supply of at the present. She reasoned with herself that heaven wouldn't smell like TV dinners and soapy floors. Probably more like lavender and…

"I think she's coming to," mumbled the ownerless voice.

Tohru opened her eyes slowly and saw that Kyou was seated beside her.

His purple-coloured hair came into focus, then his violet eyes. He was nothing like she imagined him to look like. But he was still so perfect.

"Don't worry and don't move. My name's Yuki. You were hit by a car and now you're at the hospital. So don't worry Tohru," Kyou said.

Wait… _Yuki_?

"You took quite a hit there. The doctors say that you should be fine though. Only a minor concussion. Can you hear me?" the Kyou-turned-Yuki asked.

Tohru was regaining her strength now. She made a weak attempt to sit up and get a better look at the young man beside her. "Kyou…" she whispered.

Yuki looked confused, "Was that a yes or a no?"

"Kyou," she said a little bit louder.

"I think you should lie down a little longer. You must be feeling dizzy," he said jovially.

Tohru recognized the tone of his voice. He was being over-friendly. He was acting too nice. He was _pitying_ her.

She cleared her throat. "I'm really happy to see you, Kyou. But why are you calling yourself Yuki?"

* * *

_She must be so confused, poor girl. _

"Kyou? I'm positive that my name is Yuki. You're Tohru, right?" I asked her.

She nodded. "Yes. I'm extremely sorry for messing up our first meeting. I didn't want to be late, so when I saw you, I just ran. Sorry for causing so much trouble," she sighed and tilted her head in a small bow. "Forgive me?" she asked, looking up at me with large, blue eyes.

_What is she talking about?_ "Of course," I said hesitantly. _Meeting? I was there on a date with Kagura. Oh well, I might as well humour her. She's hurt and confused, no harm in letting her think that I'm this "Kyou" friend._

"It's good to finally be talking to you face to face, rather than some old computer screen," Tohru piped up. "I can't believe I've finally found you after all these years. The wonders of the Internet, eh? A few clicks, and ka-pow, here we are; together again!"

_Confused borderline crazy. What's this girl talking about? _"I know! It's amazing, isn't it?" I said, pasting another fake smile on my face.

Honda Tohru. That's the name that I found on her health card after sifting through her wallet. She had fallen hard against the pavement, and Kagura had screamed. I couldn't help but feel guilty. _I_ was the reason this girl had been rammed by a car. If I hadn't smiled at her, then maybe she wouldn't be in such a mess.

I realized the pure idiocy of my thoughts. _If I hadn't smiled at her?_ Still, I felt guilty. She was only a dazed girl, eager to find an old friend. She had only run across the street because she had seen me. Me. Who was certainly no Kyou.

"You owe me two hugs," Tohru said, snapping me out of my guilty thoughts.

"I beg your pardon?" I replied, trying to hide my surprise. Where did that come from?

"Have you forgotten about the hug tally?" she asked me incredulously.

I figured that I might as well humour her. She was in fragile condition; anything I said or did now could hurt her indefinitely. "Oh right… the hug tally. You see, my girlfriend is waiting outside this room. I don't really think she'd be pleased if she saw us hugging," I answered. I smiled at her regretfully.

She blushed. "You never mentioned you had a-a girlfriend before," she stammered. "I probably should have asked though. Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it," I said.

I knew I should have left her side by then and said goodbye. The sooner I left, the sooner she would get over this fantasy Kyou and return to her normal state. Still, there was something vaguely intriguing about this girl.

"Listen, I'm really sorry about this entire ordeal. How about I make it up to you with a dinner tomorrow at The Buzz?" I asked. "I'm sure the hospital will release you by then."

My conscious was really getting to me. This was all my fault. Really, the invitation was only a cheap way to get the guilt off my back.

_ Or perhaps you're interested in this girl, _a new voice in my head reasoned. Interested? But I had Kagura, I had…

"Oh no, I really couldn't Kyou! I-I mean Yuki," Tohru said, flashing an apologetic smile. "I would be too much of a bother. And wouldn't your girlfriend mind?"

"No no, Kagura will be fine with it. The more the merrier, right?" I told her.

"I really couldn't though. I'd be too much of a bother," she meekly argued.

"You're coming along with us," I said, grabbing her petite hand. "Whether you want to or not. I'm sure you'll enjoy it, and you won't be a bother. Please consider."

She looked down at our linked hands and blushed again. "I-I guess I could," she stuttered.

I noticed our hands as well and promptly let go. "So seven o' clock tomorrow at The Buzz, okay?" I confirmed, brushing away the strange feeling that threaded its way up my arm.

"I guess so," she said, looking at me appreciatively.

"Thanks, and I'll see you there. Get better soon," I said.

She smiled and waved goodbye, "See you later Ky-Yuki!"

"Goodbye Tohru," I murmured and exited the hospital room.

"Is she all right, Yuki?" Kagura asked me, grabbing my hand as soon as I entered the hallway.

"She'll be fine. I invited her to dinner tomorrow, if you don't mind," I answered.

"I don't mind at all! I'm just glad she's all right. You, on the other hand, look a little flushed. Are you sure you're okay, Yuki?" she interrogated, squeezing my hand.

I looked at her, but didn't answer. I was confused. My mind was a mess and my heart felt like a tangle of nerves. I knew that it wasn't going to be okay. I wanted that girl. I wanted that Tohru… as a friend or maybe…

"I'm sorry Kagura," I whispered.

"Did you say something Yuki?" she said, leaning on my shoulder.

"No… nothing, it's nothing," I replied.

_It's nothing,_ I thought as Kagura snuggled closer beside me.

* * *

"This time I won't be late for meeting up with Kyou- I mean Yuki," I corrected myself. _You're going to have to get it through your head that his name is Yuki, dear, not Kyou._

It was all very new to me. I had always believed that my online and childhood friend had been named Kyou. Certainly not Yuki. Yuki was a name that held no familiarity. But who knew? Who knew that my Kyou was really a Yuki?

Come to think of it, he had never mentioned his name in the multiple online conversations we had had. I realized that I would have saved myself embarrassment if I had asked him his name beforehand. But embarrassment was of no matter to me. Whether it was Kyou or Yuki, I was happy to have finally found him; happy to have finally found my wonderful past.

Although I was a little put-out when I found out he had a girlfriend.

…

"Stupid thought! Extremely stupid thought!" I said, pounding my head with both fists. It would be useless to trouble myself with thoughts of a further relationship. Yuki had Kagura, and I had my past back. It would suffice. It would have to suffice.

I had to figure out something to wear for the evening. The Buzz was a pretty swanky place and I didn't want to embarrass either Yuki or Kagura. After Yuki had left the hospital room, I had realized that The Buzz wasn't exactly McDonald's cheap. There was absolutely no way that I would make a fool of them or me; I had to dress to impress.

Out of the closet, I pulled out the one evening dress I had. It was a simple thing; more appropriate for a funeral rather than a fancy dinner. I had worn the dress countless times before, and the jet black it had once been had now faded into an uncertain gray-black. I sighed, but nevertheless, tried it on. The dress was a little snug, but there were no tears or holes. It still looked decent.

I pulled the dress off and ran to grab a few clear beads and silver thread. As a college student, I had the duty to know how to mend my own clothes. My mother had taught me this skill before I had departed and along the way I had learned interesting tidbits about embroidery.

My fingers trembled slightly as I added a few beads to the hem and around the neckline. I knotted it off and broke the thread. Holding up the dress, the beads caught and reflected the light from above.

I slipped the dress on again. It looked better; I decided I would be no embarrassment. I checked the digital clock on my desk. 6:27 p.m. Factoring in the twenty minutes it would take to walk to The Buzz, I needed to rush. I had to be punctual.

I ran to the washroom and pulled my hair into a simple bun. Taking a pair of silver chopsticks, I drove them through the bun. A few stray hairs stuck out, but I tucked them behind my ears.

Exiting the bathroom, I rooted through my closet for my only pair of black high heels. I slipped them on and examined myself in the mirror. The dress still looked a little snug. The beads weren't exactly works of art. I had no jewelry to adorn myself with and my hair looked a little iffy.

For a moment, I pitied myself for being poor.

I stared at myself in the mirror. No. I looked fine. I looked classy.

I looked quite stunning.

"Now Tohru, don't get so used to flattering yourself," I told my reflection.

But why did I even care how I looked? Even without the beads and the hair, I knew I had looked decent enough to fit in with the crowd at a fancy-pants restaurant. It certainly had nothing to do with Yuki.

Did it?

* * *

I took a few deep breaths before entering The Buzz. It was 7:05. I figured it would probably qualify as being fashionably late. I just hoped that somewhere in there, Yuki was waiting for me; waiting for me with Kagura of course.

Pushing through the doors, I panicked a few seconds. The Buzz valued customer privacy and I couldn't see any of the patrons' faces. There was no trace of violet hair or youth-filled laughter…

The maitre d' snapped me out of my trance. "Pardon me, miss. Would you be Miss Honda?" he asked, his fine moustache moving ever so slightly.

I nodded my head, perhaps a little too eagerly, as he looked at me with masked distaste. "This way please, Master Sohma is waiting for you," he said in the same practiced voice.

I inwardly scolded myself for being so rude and clumsy. This was 'The Buzz', not the cheap diner I worked at. This was Yuki. Well, Yuki and Kagura.

I made another quick note to myself. Yuki was taken. It seemed ridiculous for me to even be considering having a relationship with him, because I was such a horrible klutz. Yuki was simply a lost childhood friend. I needed to get my head out of the clouds, and bring my brain back to where it belonged.

We walked for what seemed like a bland eternity. Same carpet, same chandeliers, same hushed talk. To be honest, it bored me somewhat. I was certainly of no blue blood and couldn't handle all the rules that came with too much money. I just hoped for this night, I could hide any perceived rude behaviour. I had to be Miss Honda tonight, not just Tohru.

Finally we arrived at the table, and I sank into relief as I realized that Yuki and Kagura were probably the loudest customers in the entire restaurant. They were actually talking rather than prohibiting themselves to shady whispering.

Kagura greeted me with a warm hug. "I adore your dress," she squealed, giving me a large smile.

"Thank you," I replied, taking my seat and smiling at both Kagura and Yuki.

_ Sit up straight; smile, but don't grin; cross your legs properly underneath the table. _There were so many rules to juggle and I was having difficulty maintaining the momentum.

"I'm sorry, but are you okay?" Yuki asked. "You look a little strained, Tohru. That is… if it's all right to call you Tohru. If you would prefer Miss Honda, I could address you that way."

"Oh no, call me Tohru. Miss Honda seems so … posh," I replied.

I inwardly gasped at my words. How could I say such a thing? This _was_ a posh place, I was _supposed_ to be all rich and snooty and stuffy.

I tried to take back my words, but Kagura interrupted before I had the chance to speak. "Yes Yuki, it's so posh and all '_up there'_. Just act normal already, sheesh," she said, teasing him.

She turned to me, "He isn't usually like that. I guess he thinks that just because we're at this ritzy restaurant we have to act all snooty. Yuki, love, just act normally."

I breathed a sigh of relief. So they weren't the stuck-ups I had assumed them to be. "Thank goodness," I commented. "No offense, but I was expecting to have to act like a princess tonight."

Kagura laughed. "Yea, that's what I thought my first time here too. Don't worry about it. We're regulars here, and the staff aren't that bad about manners and etiquette. It's really a great place to eat."

Kagura turned to Yuki and they began to discuss what they planned to order. I liked Kagura. She was genuinely nice, and certainly not stuck-up. I felt bad for assuming that she was a snob before. However, there was still a little something that kept me from liking her completely. I didn't know what, but there was something that made my heart twinge whenever I looked at her, sitting beside Yuki.

* * *

I was walking home. Dinner had been pleasant and Yuki and Kagura had made wonderful company. I hugged my purse against my chest and took in a deep breath of the refreshing night air.

Although Yuki had denied it online, I was certainly right. He _was _cute. It wasn't just the way he looked, but more of the way he acted. He still held some of the childish innocence that I had so loved when we were little. I could feel my face warming at the thought of Yuki. My face did that a lot lately. Blush. I didn't know why though. Perhaps I was just sick.

As much as I hated to think about it, I couldn't help but envy Yuki and Kagura for being so… fortunate. It may seem stupid, but I was slightly jealous of the fact that they were able to afford dinner at 'The Buzz'. Apparently, Yuki's family owned a lot of businesses around town. Kagura was hired at one of their stores, and that was how they met in the first place. I have to admit, I cringed when she mentioned 'how they met'. I don't know why though. The thought doesn't _bother_ me really. It's just something I didn't need to hear.

I waited for the pedestrian signal while staring at a light pole covered with ads. Yuki had proposed another night on the town, this time at a less swanky place. Of course, I declined. I had already been too much of a bother. The car crash, the girlfriend thing. Really, I should just be happy with being able to talk to him online.

But Yuki was more polite in reality that he was on the computer screen. He wasn't rude all evening and the way he invited me over was enough for me to declare that chivalry wasn't dead.

I so desperately wanted to go.

Seeing an old childhood friend was enough though. It had to be enough. I didn't want to intrude in Yuki's personal life. He didn't need someone like me to cling on and drag him into the past again. He had a perfectly successful life. He didn't need me.

But I so needed him.

Shaking my head, I rid my mind of the thought. I entered my apartment and slid out of my high heels. Yuki didn't need me and I didn't need to cling on to him. I could be independent. I knew I could. I didn't need to rely on the past to bring me comfort in this dark reality. I could pull through.

Looking out the window, a full moon illuminated the dark night sky. I wondered if I could wish on a full moon. Not that I had anything to wish for.

No, nothing to wish for.__

* * *

_The leaves will fall and the snows may come… but I swear I will love you forever._

* * *

For a while, Yuki watched the morning birds play and twitter outside his bedroom window. Outside, the buildings had not yet awoken and there was no hustle or bustle of taxis and automobiles. It was a perfectly placid morning and Yuki wished he didn't have to wake up to greet his lonely life.

It was warm in his bed, buried among the pillows. He flipped onto his stomach and stared at the picture of Kagura and him on the bedside table. He couldn't help but smile; simply seeing her face brought a grin to his face.

A light knock sounded from his door. "Master Yuki? It's time to wake up," said a maid from the other side.

"Thank you!" he called, getting up from beneath the covers.

Still staring at the framed photo, he wondered why Kagura loved him so much.

He had always been a lonely, quiet boy. His parents were too busy to mind him, his brother always had more exciting things to do than take care of a baby brother. Every morning he would wake up to welcome another bland day. He never had many friends; only acquaintances at social parties and business partners that laughed too much at corny jokes.

Kagura was a whirlwind of life. She had showed him fireworks, rainbow sprinkles and jalepno peppers. She was always the first one to dance, to laugh, to splash through puddles on rainy days. Why she loved him was beyond his level of logic.

Still he smiled. He was lucky to have her. He was lucky to love her.

Yuki took another glance out his window. The world was awakening from its quiet slumber.

* * *

Pedestrians pushed past him on the grimy sidewalk. Yuki was walking aimlessly around the city. He had called for a day off today; far too many things were pulling at the edges of his mind.

He needed some space to think, and ironically that sense of freedom came to him on the crowded sidewalks. In that sea of pedestrians, he was faceless. No one cared what he did or who he was. He was just another average Joe. Another Joe-Schmoe leading his own life, having his own problems, thinking his own thoughts.

Thoughts. Thoughts about Tohru. He paused on the sidewalk and received many a glare from the businessmen trying to shuffle past him.

Why couldn't he let go of the thought of Tohru? She was just another acquaintance. Just another person who would laugh at corny jokes and chew with their mouths open. She was nothing special. She lived in the same city as millions of other girls. Breathed the same air, shared the same space; everything and nothing special. Tohru was Tohru.

A petite brown-haired girl pushed past him and continued on her way. Crazy as it seemed, he recognized the back of Tohru's head. Had he obsessed over her _that much _to know such an unusual trait? The thought intrigued him and he lightly jogged to her side to say hello.

Yuki tapped her on the shoulder and greeted her with a polite "Hello, Tohru". She turned to him and he was surprised to see her sniffling. Her eyes were somewhat pink and Yuki could still see paths where fresh tears had slid their way down her face.

Her bright eyes widened. "Oh, it's-it's you! I'm sorry you have to see me in this condition!" she apologized, sharply turning away from him.

_ She's crying?_ he thought.

"What's wrong?" Yuki inquired, fighting the oncoming passersby to keep his position beside her.

She looked at him again and shook her head. "Don't worry about me, Yuki," she pleaded, struggling to cross the street to avoid him. "It's nothing really… it's nothing."

He stopped her before she could walk across. "It can't be nothing if you're like this," he said, putting his hand on her shoulder.

Tohru stared at her feet. "I've had a bad day," she said, blinking away more tears. "It's nothing I should bother you with."

Yuki lifted her face to look at him. _Trust me, please. I need to know you, I need a friend,_ he thought. He wondered why his face felt so warm.

Tohru leaned against a lamppost and took one glance at the sky before beginning. "My boss threatened to fire me again today. Things haven't been so good lately and he's always blaming me, even though I'm sure that I haven't been that much of a burden. On top of that, my mother's in the hospital. She's in the hospital!" she repeated, her hands clenching nervously. "She's been sick for a while now, but she's never gone to the hospital! What if, what if she dies?! What if she leaves me and I won't be able to see her and I'll be all alone?! I don't want her to leave me!"

Tohru looked at him with desperate eyes, words slipping past her lips. "I don't want to be alone!" she confessed. "I don't want to be alone in this world where no one loves me!"

She stopped there, realizing her fault. "I-I…" she stuttered.

You don't mean it. I know," Yuki comforted. He ignored the strange looks the pedestrians were giving them and pushed his way into a nearby building lobby. "Give yourself a chance to breathe, Tohru."

She looked grateful for a moment before closing her eyes and leaning against the wall. "You should leave," she murmured. "I've been too much of a bother. I shouldn't have told you all these depressing things. I've probably ruined your day too."

"Tohru, you have more important things to worry about than my day," Yuki replied.

She turned her head away from him and bit her lip, still wringing her hands. Yuki saw that she still wasn't relaxing. "Is your mother very sick?" he asked.

She took a few moments before replying. "The doctors say that she isn't in too bad of a condition. I can't stop worrying though… my father died of a cold a while ago. You could say that I've been paranoid ever since," she chuckled weakly.

"Can't you visit her?" Yuki asked, offering a suggestion.

"I-I don't have the money right now," Tohru confessed. "She lives pretty far away from here… so I need the airfare, which I don't have."

"So you'd let that stop you?!" Yuki demanded. "I can't believe you! You're certainly not trying enough!"

Her eyes flew open. "But I am! I swear I am! I can't do anything else! I've been praying every night and wishing for my mother to get better! I'm doing everything in my power to help her and I wish I could be with her but I can't! I'm trying… I-I swear I am!"

Yuki grabbed her hands and looked into her eyes. "Then what are you worrying about? It's not your fault, Tohru. It's not your fault that your mother is sick. I'm sure that she'll get better. I'm sure."

Tohru's eyes look pained, wishing to believe the man in front of her, but still worrying about her beloved mother. "I want to believe you, Yuki," she whispered. "Believe me, I do. I want to…"

"Then believe me," he pressed. "Believe me when I say that your mother will be fine."

She stared into his eyes, searching for sincerity. _Please trust me,_ Yuki thought.

Finally she nodded.

* * *

They were walking together, chatting animatedly about nothing in particular. The sky was still dim and the surrounding buildings were a bit too overbearing, but Yuki knew he had finally found another friend. Tohru was smiling again, and he liked the look of her smile. He enjoyed her presence nearly as much as he enjoyed that of Kagura's.

They had taken the transit back to her house. Yuki finally realized that she probably wasn't as well-off as he was. He was ashamed to know that he hadn't discovered this earlier.

They were in front of her apartment building door and he felt pressured to do something before she left. She was about to disappear past the doorway before Yuki blurted, "Are you sure you won't consider the night out this Saturday?"

She looked back at him, her eyes a little tired, but her smile regaining its position on her face. "Oh no, I'd be too much of a bother! You've already taken me to The Buzz and I don't want to interfere with you and Kagura or anything," she replied.

He knew he shouldn't have. Yuki knew that he wasn't this childhood Kyou that she had assumed him to be. But he really wanted to cheer his new friend up. "Will you do it for a childhood friend?" he chided. "For the old times we used to have?"

Tohru was taken aback by his subtle blackmail and for a moment her smile disappeared from her face. But quickly it returned, more mischievous than happy. "You always knew which buttons to push Yuki," she said. "I'll go, I'll go."

"Eight o'clock on Saturday at Neon," Yuki stated, pleased and yet guilty that his pressure had worked. "Kagura and I will be waiting!"

Tohru waved back apprehensively. He could still tell that she was uncertain about accepting his invitation. He still knew that he couldn't replace the Kyou fellow she thought he was.

Nonetheless, blackmail never felt so good.

* * *

_**Capheine says: **Yarr… I don't know what to say here. Sorry it took such a long time to update… I really didn't like the way this chapter was turning out, so I had to rewrite a few parts of it before it was at least decent. Hope you enjoyed! You can be critical if you wish; point out any spelling mistakes, grammatical errors or anything of the sort. Flame me for the plot for all I care, feedback is always appreciated._

_ Sorry about the wonky formatting. The indents are there in the original document, but disappear after I upload it to FF.net. Anyone willing to explain why? As well, I can't type addition signs or underscores. Glitch or is my computer acting up?_

_ I've completed the fourth chapter, but will not be posting it until I start the fifth._

Friday June 04, 2004


	4. Nursery Rhymes

-- (at)Romance.com --

**04: Nursery Rhymes**

Friday June 04, 2004

**_Capheine says: _**Thank you for reading the story and reviewing! hint hint I hope you're enjoying the story so far. I'm sorry about the inconsistencies in formatting, but please bear with me.

Again, thanks to all who reviewed! Special thanks to kcarrie for beta-reading and Moshi-Mo for help with formatting! I'm still having problems with the blasted Quick Edit, but that's o-kay! :D

****

**_Disclaimers dictate:_** Furuba isn't mine. I don't even own the manga. Can someone buy me the manga? Pweese wif cherries and ice cweam on top? (Living in Canada = no access to the translated manga)

* * *

> > _**[ Champagne bubbles ]** has signed on._
>> 
>> _**Performance #13;** has signed on._

**Performance #13; says: **Hey

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **Hi hi

**Performance #13; says: **Well, the meeting at the park was a failure

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **Ohmygoodness, I'm so sorry about that!

**Performance #13; says: **It's nothing big

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **But I ruined our first meeting! I'm still really sorry about that Yuki!

**Performance #13; says: **Yuki… wha?

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **Your name

**Performance #13; says: **Are you playing Jedi mind games with me?

**Performance #13; says: **My name's Kyou

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **:P You're the one playing games now

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **I made a mistake, okay? I'm sorry about that, forgive me please?

**Performance #13; says: **Stop apologizing already! Jeez!

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **What should I say then?

**Performance #13; says: **Be assertive! Make fun of other people… be mean!

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **But that's not very nice…

**Performance #13; says: **… that's the point. Not being nice

**Performance #13; says: **You know, eventually someone will try and take advantage of you and you'll find yourself out by your lonesome by the side of the highway somewhere

**Performance #13; says: **I'm surprised it hasn't happened to you yet

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **… It has

**Performance #13; says: **WHAT?!

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **AH! It's a joke, it's a joke!! ;;;

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **I can joke, you know :P

**Performance #13; says: **Girls confuse me

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **Well boys confuse ME… Jedi mind games

**Performance #13; says: **Damnit… I started this conversation for a reason

**Performance #13; says: **But now I can't remember what I wanted to ask

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **Was it about this Saturday?

**Performance #13; says: **Yea! … Wait, how did you know?

**Performance #13; says: **Are you sure you're not a Jedi?

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **Positive

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **You told me this already, remember? 8:00 Saturday at Neon

**Performance #13; says: **… I'm sure I didn't tell you

**Performance #13; says: **And it's 7 o'clock, not 8

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **Oh… my mistake

**Performance #13; says: **I'm positive I didn't tell you before

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **You did, remember? Yesterday, in front of my apartment building

**Performance #13; says: **What? I don't even know where you live!

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **I know… you followed me home

**Performance #13; says: **I didn't follow you home! I'm not some sort of perv!

**Performance #13; says: **Are you playing Jedi mind games with me again?

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **But you did! We were talking and everything

**Performance #13; says: **Yea, I'm so sure

**Performance #13; says: **I still think you're crazy

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **But… but…

**Performance #13; says: **Let's just drop the topic

**Performance #13; says: **I have to go and prep for a performance

**Performance #13; says: ** Thus the name

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **Oh! You perform? That's amazing!

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **What are you going to do?

**Performance #13; says: **You'll see soon enough

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **Sorry, but how do you know that?

**Performance #13; says: **You're a Jedi aren't you?

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **I'm not a Jedi!! ;;

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **Tell me, please!

**Performance #13; says: **You'll see, Jedi, you'll see

> > _**Performance #13; **_ _has signed off._

**[ Champagne bubbles ] says: **You may think I'm crazy Yuki… but I think you're the crazy one.

> > _**[ Champagne bubbles ] **has signed off._

* * *

Work sucked. School was difficult. Life was dreary. Tohru was thankful that today was the blessed Saturday she had been waiting for.

It was nearly seven o'clock, but the sky was still delightfully bright. Tohru turned her face up to the evening sun; late spring always greeted Tohru nicely. She enjoyed the delicate breezes and pleasant humidity. All the mumbo-jumbo about solstices and equinox meant nothing to her; she was just happy to enjoy the longer days and shorter nights.

_This'll be fun,_ she thought, walking into Neon at precisely 7:04. _I hope that they won't be angry that I'm a little late._

Neon was nothing like The Buzz. It was loud. It was brash. It was "I don't give a damn, I'm dancing now". Living up to its name, there were outrageous neon signs decorating the walls of the club-mixed-café. A stage and small dance floor planted themselves in the back, while random beanbags, chairs and tables sprouted up over the rest of the floor.

Tohru took a few good looks around the place, but couldn't find a trace of Kagura or Yuki anywhere. The lights were dim, but she could see there were only a few patrons inside and they were already immersed in their conversations about Da Vinci and Hello Kitty. Laughter, music, chatter; Tohru felt comforted by the sounds of a busy space, but couldn't help but feel a little worried that she couldn't find her two new friends.

_They couldn't have forgotten, could they?_she panicked. _They wouldn't do that… They know that they're supposed to be here right now, seven o'clock, Neon, Saturday. I'm positive that this is the right place. I know that that's what Yuki told me!_

She grabbed a nearby beanbag and sunk in. Tohru stared at its pink cow print pattern and contemplated a bit more. _They'd be here by now… maybe they're just stuck in traffic, _she reasoned. _Yes. They don't walk like I do, they're probably stuck in a car somewhere. I'll just have to wait a while. Patience is always good._

Tohru clasped her hands together nervously, but leaned back into the comfiness of the styrofoam beans. She just had to wait. That was all.

In her short-lived panic, she had ventured closer to the stage and could see that a new performer was setting up his equipment. He had surprisingly orange hair and looked unfazed by the bright lights of the stage. His skin was more tanned than what Tohru usually saw at this time of the year, and she noted with some embarrassment that he was well-built and good-looking.

Tohru realized that she was blushing again. An odd sense of nostalgia engulfed her as she sat in her cow print chair. She felt her heart twinge and her breath quicken. Why did he seem so familiar? She was positive that she had seen him somewhere else, but couldn't quite put her finger on it.

The mystery performer was lightly twanging and tuning his guitar now. He was focused in a very relaxed way. Something about the way he sat on the stool made Tohru think that he was something special in her life. But what exactly? Why was she so drawn to him?

She felt like applauding even before he began to sing and play. She felt like running onstage and wrapping her arms around him, laughing. She felt like running a race again, making a sand castle, flying a kite.

Tohru snapped out of the random thoughts that danced around her head. What was she thinking? Where had all of those feelings sprung from?

She noticed that the singer was occasionally glancing at her, and she immediately straightened in her beanbag chair. Why was he looking at her? She chewed on her lower lip. _He must think that I'm such a loser for being here all alone. Where are Yuki and Kagura?_

The young man had begun to sing by now. Verses flowed past his lips in a pleasantly deep voice and his guitar sang along with him. Suddenly, there was a dreamy, muffled silence. Tohru wasn't aware of what he was saying. Her heart was taken simply by his presence. The lights were focused on him. He was sitting on his stool looking confident, shy, innocent, and breathtakingly… breathtakingly…

_Kyou._

The name popped into her head without warning, but snapped her out of her trance. Tohru realized that she was beet-red, and forgetting about the gorgeous singer on stage, she popped up and nearly ran to the bathroom.

* * *

In the safety of the cerulean tile walls, Tohru held a staring competition with her reflection. They blinked at the same time. She quit playing games and glared at herself in the mirror instead. "Yuki's right," she told herself. "You're nuts! Bonkers! Crazy! You're falling for this classic rocker guy, who could pick up girls as easily as… as…"

While searching for a metaphor, Tohru paced back and forth between the stalls and sinks. _You can't do this to yourself! _ she debated. _You have to be independent. You have to be your own woman. Besides, don't you love Yuki?_

Tohru tripped and nearly face-planted into the floor. Struggling to regain balance, she grabbed onto a nearby hand dryer, blushing, gasping, panting. Basically looking crazy. "I-I mean, don't you love your… your mother?" she said, correcting herself out loud, even if it was to no one in particular.

Her thoughts went through spin cycle, but she pinched herself and put on a straight face. _You don't love Yuki, he's taken. You don't love that performer, he's a chick-magnet. You love yourself for being independent. Tohru… Miss Independent_, Tohru told herself. _You will go out there and have a good time waiting for Yuki and Kagura. You will not stare, you will not ogle - you will sit there pleasantly and smile occasionally._

Tohru washed her hands for no particular reason. The soap smelt funny, but that was of no matter. She was focused. Focused on becoming the woman she wanted to become. Focused on enjoying the time she was going to spend with her _friends_. Friends and nothing more.

She strode out of the washroom, focused.

* * *

Tohru took two steps before realizing that the orange-haired man was taking his break. He glanced at her from the side of the stage, and abandoning his guitar and water bottle, began to walk casually over towards Tohru.

It took three whole seconds before her independent act collapsed. "WhatdoIdo?WhatdoIdo?WhatdoIdo?!" she panicked.

The man was heading right for her and she had no way of controlling her hormones or the colour of her face. Already, she could feel the pink rising in her cheeks. Tohru frantically threaded her way around the chairs and tables, eager to escape from the heartthrob that was approaching her. Left, right, right, left; she had to restrain herself from diving beneath a table. Tohru was willing to do anything to escape from the scrutiny of the singer.

_But why? Why do you care so much?_ she asked herself.

_Why doesn't matter right now, you just need to get away._

_Don't you feel that you remember him from somewhere… he's something special I tell you._

_He's something that you don't want to get involved in._

_You know him… he's so familiar. You know him. He's…_

_Get away, get away, get away, getawaygetawaygetaway…_

* * *

Yuki and Kagura calmly strode through the door from outside, Yuki being a gentleman and holding the door for Kagura. _Sanctuary! _Tohru thought. She made a beeline towards them and nearly crashed into them.

"Hello Yuki, hello Kagura," she said briefly, before grabbing their arms and ushering them over to a nearby circle of beanbag chairs.

"You certainly are here early," Yuki commented, mildly surprised that he was being herded by a girl he had assumed to be shy and easygoing. "It's only 7:30."

They all plopped down into their seats; Yuki taking a green beanbag, Kagura a canary yellow and Tohru the familiar pink cow print. "Oh, I didn't notice the time. I guess I should really buy a watch," Tohru commented offhandedly, tapping her wrist.

She looked up and saw that the orange-headed performer looking strangely confused. He had given up his hunt though and was heading back to the stage, ready to perform more. Tohru sighed and relaxed. "Besides," she said brightly. "Didn't you tell me to get here by seven?"

Yuki and Kagura shared 'a Look'. "No, I'm pretty sure I said eight o'clock," Yuki said. _She must still be a little shaken from the crash,_ he thought to himself.

"Meh, that doesn't matter though," Kagura said. "Were you having fun without us?"

Tohru looked at them warily, "Oh. You wouldn't believe how much."

* * *

_A few drinks Tohru, you promised yourself only a few drinks,_ Tohru thought to herself, struggling to keep herself upright. Music and lights danced around her eyes, and Yuki and Kagura's laughter seemed more boisterous then usual. Tohru couldn't help but giggle along herself.

The good-looking young man was still performing on the stage. Lovely ballads fell from his lips and a crowd of girls was huddled dreamily around the foot of the stage. Tohru couldn't help but steal a few glances herself.

There was something about his eyes. About the gentle fire that seemed to caress her every time she made eye contact. Every time she saw him, she was wrapped in a simple warmth. A good bath, a comfortable bed, the arms of your beloved…

"Tohru, dear, you have definitely had one too many," she slurred quietly.

There was something about the way his lips moved. Silently, she could trace the gentle swaying of his body as he sang. The neon lights behind him brought out a strange glow that complimented every move he made. He looked godly.

"Yep, that's definitely enough for you," Tohru said, giggling to herself. She was tipsy. There was no way she would be thinking these things in her right mind.

She set her burning face down on the cool table, wrapping her arms around her head. Yuki and Kagura paused a moment, but continued with their conversation and merrymaking. _Let them talk,_ Tohru thought. _This is relaxing, tonight is beautiful. That guy is so…_

She adjusted her position to look at him. He had stopped playing now. He had stood up and was looking right at her. She could swear that he was looking at her. His lips formed silent words that she was too drunk to discern. Even in his mutedness, Tohru still felt like she was in love.

She closed her eyes peacefully and suddenly memories replayed like movies in her head. She was with her childhood friend. With Yuki. It was odd how the thoughts had come to her just now. Right when she was falling in love with someone else.

_But this is only drunken love_, she reminded herself. _Yesh, only drunken love. Of course. Definitely._

They were playing hide and seek in the forest. Tohru was 'It' and was having a difficult time finding him. Finally, she saw a familiar head of oddly-coloured hair popping up from behind a trunk. Right before she could tag him, a snake seemed to materialize from under her foot and she had shrieked. He had popped out immediately and asked her what was wrong…

Another day at school. A spirit day. Crazy hair day. He had walked in with his hair in braided pigtails. He was so embarrassed, that his face nearly matched the colour of his hair.

"But that's not right," Tohru mumbled to herself. "Yuki's hair is violet, not red."

_It doesn't seem just right. _Her head pounded. _There's something about those memories of me and Yuki that just don't seem quite right._

She peered at Yuki and found that he was pleasantly sober. He looked down at her, like a fatherly figure. What a great friend. What a great, great, great, great friend.

"We should go home now, shouldn't we Tohru?" he asked her gently.

"Home would be nice," she muttered quietly back, attempting to pick herself out of the beanbag chair.

_Warm and home in the arms of a beloved._

She looked one last time back on stage, but the man had already left.

* * *

A foghorn was going off in her room. Actually, multiple foghorns, a band of tubas, a quartet of clumsy waiters and a pack of howling wolves had all made themselves at home in her bedroom.

Tohru plucked her pillow off of her head and saw that it was just her alarm clock. Her head pounded with insane intensity. Exactly how drunk had she been last night?

The final events of the evening were a blur. Yuki and Kagura had driven her home after she had lazily told them the address. She could remember Kagura had a reddish tinge to her face, but no one had been as wasted as Tohru.

How embarrassing.

Tohru would have worried more, but any trace of thought caused her head to be pulled into a dizzying dive. She could feel the blood pulsing through her head and wondered how simply existing could ever be so painful.

"I swear I will never, ever, drink again," she croaked.

The shallow sound of even her own voice set off a massive jackhammer inside her head. _I need coffee and water._ It wasn't a thought, it was instinct.

Tohru painfully sat up and shuffled out the door and into her small kitchen. Grabbing a stray glass, she held it under the faucet and sprayed water inside. Gulping it down, Tohru felt marginally better. She wondered if she looked as horrible as she felt.

As quickly as her lethargic body would let her go, she brewed a pot of coffee, and lay down on the living room sofa, cradling the mug of hot java on her chest.

_They must think that I'm some sort of alcoholic,_ she thought, after gaining back some ability to use her brain. _I really hope that they don't. I don't usually drink. I don't usually do any of that stuff._

(You don't usually fall in love either), commented a sly voice in her head.

_I didn't fall in love. Those were emotions under intoxication,_ she reasoned. She took another sip of her coffee.

(Yea, I'm so sure)

She lay her mug on the coffee table and rubbed her eyes. She needed to get to work today. Lying around and debating with an imaginary voice would not make matters with her boss any better.

Her head still suffering slightly, Tohru got up and prepared for another arduous day at the diner.

Still the voice whispered, (You don't fall in love Tohru. So what made that guy so special?)

* * *

Today was a Tuesday. Traffic on Tuesdays was always slow, but today Tohru's boss didn't bite her head off. In fact, he had actually been friendly.

Tohru was careful not to ruin his good mood or hers. She had worked hard to get on his good side. It had been days since she had dropped a plate or neglected coffee rounds. She had made sure to work overtime without pay, just to be certain that she had secured her job.

And amazingly, it had worked.

Yesterday, her boss had thanked her.

Today, he was even letting her off early.

"I guess you've worked well these past few weeks," he had replied. "You can get off early today, but don't you get any ideas that I'm some softie or anything."

She had nodded, grateful, but trying not to show it.

Now, she was enjoying a picnic that Yuki had prepared. That was the reason she had asked to be let off early. Yuki had spontaneously showed up at the diner and politely invited her to join him in a picnic.

The sun was out today, the skies a blue that only skies could be, and an occasional breeze played past, showering lovers in cherry blossoms. It was beautiful today. They had found a great spot in a nearby park to enjoy their late snack.

"You made this all by yourself?" Tohru asked, shocked as she stared at the glorious spread.

"Well… no," Yuki replied sheepishly. "I'm no good around the kitchen, so I asked our chef to make a little something."

"A chef?!" Tohru exclaimed. "But… but… I don't want to be that much trouble, you shouldn't have done this anyway, troubling yourself with someone as useless and stupid as me when you should be worrying about your business and Kagura and everything else!"

Yuki only smiled. "You needed some time off, okay? I know how hard you've been working lately; turning down invitations to join Kagura and me on other nights out."

He picked up a small tart and bit into it. "Really Jacques doesn't mind cooking," he said, after swallowing. "That's why I hired him in the first place. Have some, it's really good food."

Tohru halfheartedly picked up a treat and nibbled. It really did taste good. She settled down on the red-and-white checkered picnic cloth. Maybe she could enjoy this just for a little while.

They were enjoying their time together, but something was missing. Tohru had noticed with uneasiness that Kagura wasn't there to join them in their small break. The thought worried her, and she wondered if somehow she had inadvertently come between the couple. "Is it okay to ask where Kagura is?" Tohru questioned, finished the pastry and brushing her hands on her skirt.

Yuki finished his treat and cleared his throat. "Yes," he replied. "Kagura was actually the one that suggested this little outing. She couldn't get off her job, but really felt that I should share a picnic with you anyway."

Tohru was a sigh of relief and smiled to herself. _His face brightens whenever he mentions her name,_ Tohru noted, filled with school-girlish giddiness.

It must have been so fun to be in love. Tohru wished that she could feel that well-known knot in her heart and the brash butterflies that tickled her stomach. It had been a long time since she had felt anything that rivaled the love she had felt for her childhood friend. It had been an innocent love, but nonetheless a very powerful one.

Over the years, Tohru felt like she had lost some of that magic and she felt a familiar burden weighing down the soft spot of sentiment in her chest. How long had it been since she had been in love?

There was that singer, but he was just a passing fancy…

Or was he?

"You really love Kagura don't you?" Tohru blurted. "That is, if I may be so bold to say," she added.

Yuki looked back at her, his lips forming a gentle smile. "I think I really do."

A slight breeze blew past them and pale pink petals rained down over them. Tohru's heart gave a little twinge. "I hope I find someone like you've found Kagura," she sighed.

He looked at her, amused. "I'm sure you will one day Tohru. You're a special girl and one day a guy's going to sweep you off your feet," Yuki commented. "That is, if _I_ may be so bold to say," he teased.

The sun shone above them, the sky glowed that familiar blue, and cherry blossoms gently floated to the ground. It was a perfect day. And they smiled.

* * *

Night had quietly taken over the sky, as Tohru had completed her errands. She let out a sigh of contentment before stepping into her apartment and sliding out of her shoes.

She had removed her jacket and set down her groceries before noticing that there was a pending message on her answering machine. _Odd,_ she thought, _who would be calling me now?_

Pressing the play button, she listened to the recorded message. The voice on the other end killed her. It murdered her. Tohru listened to it over and over again, masochistically putting herself through the same torture. The same bland voice. Murderous. The same monotone words that crashed from the speaker and stampeded their way into her ears.

Masochistically listening. Over and over. The words burning in her mind.

She stopped. She picked herself up from the floor where she had unconsciously fallen to her knees. She tripped over the groceries, sending apples and oranges rolling across the carpet.

The red light was still flashing. Flashing, still flashing. And Tohru stayed staring. Staring in quiet horror. It hurt her eyes, watching it flash, on and off, on and off. Red and nothing. Red and nothing.

Nothing.

With numb fingers, she picked up the phone and dialed his number. She wasn't thinking, she couldn't think. She just wanted to talk to him.

Red and nothing. Apples and oranges. Masochistically listening over and over and over again.

He would bring her comfort. Just as he had been doing this entire time.

One, two, three times it rang.

_Ring around the rosie, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes… _

Finally, a click and a quiet, "Hello?"

The reality of it all hit her very hard and very fast.

"She died."

_… we all fall down._

* * *

Saturday June 05, 2004


	5. The Intricacy of Hands

-- (at)Romance.com --

**05: The Intricacy of Hands**

Thursday, June 17, 2004

**_Capheine says: _**_Kyou finally makes his official appearance in this chapter. Finally, eh?_

_ Thank you to kcarrie and soulrelease for their input on this chapter. Thanks to the reviewers who have stroked my impossibly large ego (hehehe)… I'm just hoping that the questions you asked will be answered in this chapter (just make assumptions if you don't know)._

****

**_Disclaimers dictate: _**_I solemnly swear that I do not own Furuba (and am up to no good)._

****

* * *

A large room, a polished oak table, windows that plastered themselves across one entire wall giving the residents a shameless view of the outside world. The funeral meeting. So much importance, yet so little significance.

Tohru sat quietly to herself. She was staring at her hands. What interesting things they had become. The flesh that was still warm, still pink, still coursing with sacred blood and still flexing in anguish, clenching in utter terror.

There were others in the room. To them, Tohru was insignificant. She was only the daughter of the deceased. There was no real connection between her and them. She was an outsider; as bad as a bastard child of an illegitimate marriage. To them, she was nothing but another burden. A burden just as Kyoko had been. To them, Kyoko's funeral was a mere chore.

They whispered amongst themselves. Quiet words that washed the room in fresh coats of disgust. Why were they here? Why did they need to talk about Kyoko? Talk about _her_?

_Who really cared about Kyoko?_

Tohru would not acknowledge it though. She was too lost in the emptiness; too buried in the large room filled by strangers discussing this forbidden something; too immersed in the life that ran through her hands and her so very confused mind. This death. This funeral that was too unreal to acknowledge.

Too… wrong. It was wrong. It was all wrong. All so wrong.

They didn't care about her mother. She was a gang leader! The infamous Red Butterfly! What shame, what shame had been brought to the family. They didn't care that she had renounced her title. They didn't care that she was an excellent mother. They didn't care that she was a vibrant, wonderful, caring person.

They simply whispered.

So Tohru wept. She wept quietly in this room of strangers; strangers who looked the other way and whispered silent, hateful words of distaste.

And she was alone in this world without love.

* * *

Walking home from the meeting, I stare at my palms. My hands are wonderful. An intricate balance of veins and arteries; muscles and tendons; they work and I can watch them move. They're warm. I can feel their heat. I know that I'm alive because my hands are warm.

Her hands were so cold.

I lean against a poster-plastered brick wall; for one moment I feel weak and dizzy. My mother. My mother's dead.

_She's happy now. She's an angel now,_ I tell myself. It's the truth. I know Mom's in a better place and that she's watching me from the heavens above.

It's a beautiful night tonight. How ironic, considering this is the bleakest night of my life. But I shouldn't be complaining. She's happy now and I should be too.

Still, I can't help but frown. I can't help but cry a little. But only a little. Because Mom's in a better place now. She's in a better place now. She's left me for a better place.

She would have wanted me to smile for her. Lord, I'm trying my best. I can get this little smirk, but never a great smile. I'm sorry, Mom, I've failed you. There's just something wrong with my face, but if I pull the ends of my mouth upwards, I get this funny little grin.

I'll try for you. I'll keep happy for you.

So what's so wrong with me that I can't smile anymore? Even for you? Why is it so difficult to pick myself up? You want me to smile… _I_ want me to smile. To smile for you. Smile for you in your happy place and me in my aloneness.

My aloneness.

But you're somewhere nice now, Mom. You're somewhere watching over me and wanting me to smile.

It's the first time I've been able to trust someone with my emotions other than myself. Is that the reason why? Kyou. Yuki. He is one and the same and he was supposed to make everything right. He told me that everything was going to be alright. He promised me everything was going to turn out fine. So what happened?

Why? Why have I lost another one that I trusted and loved so much?

But it's stupid, putting all my faith into one person and taking what they say for truth. It's stupid, right?

I'll smile for you, Mom, but right now I'm having a difficult time doing so.

I trusted him so much. Why was he wrong? Why did he have to be wrong? There are so many stupid questions swirling through my head right now. I know they're stupid because it's stupid. Stupid to put so much faith into his intuition. He just said it to make me feel better… right?

Why is it so difficult to tell myself these things now? Why am I having such a hard time telling myself that he was obviously going to be wrong? Yuki was going to be wrong. He had to be wrong. Because you're dead now, Mom. You're dead, but you want me to smile.

But it's so hard to smile when the person you love is dead and the one you trust is lying.

* * *

_Tohru's been awfully quiet lately,_ Yuki thought, eyeing his silent telephone.

"Pondering something, Yuki?" Kagura asked, prodding his side. They were seated comfortably on his sofa and watching whatever was good on the television.

He channel surfed a little while longer before replying, "Just Tohru. She's been awfully quiet lately, don't you think?"

Kagura bit her lower lip and turned her attention to Yuki. "Her mother just passed away," she answered. "Don't you think that gives her a right to be quiet? I mean, I wouldn't just be quiet if my mom passed away. I'd probably be howling my pain from rooftops." She gave a half-hearted, morbid chuckle.

"I know. It seems so you, Kagura," Yuki said, kissing the top of her head. "Do you think we should pay her a visit to see if she's doing alright? She's had to endure the crash and now… _this_."

"She has gone through a lot, hasn't she?"

Yuki nodded.

For a moment Kagura stared blankly at the ceiling, but she suddenly shook her head resolutely. "No. We should leave her alone. I think we know Tohru enough to know that she just needs a little time to herself. She's optimistic. If we were to worry about her, she'd probably start worrying about us worrying about her. Get what I mean?"

"Yes, I do," Yuki replied. "I just hope that she'll be alright."

He took one more longing glance at his telephone then turned back to the television.

_You'll be alright, right Tohru? _Kagura thought, her gaze never fully returning to the TV. _You're optimistic and you don't need us prodding and poking every part of your personal life. Right?_

She took one look at the mute telephone as well.

_Right?_

* * *

> > **_[ Red Butterfly ] _**_has signed on._
>> 
>> **_Jedi #13; _**_has signed on._

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **You lied.

**Jedi #13; says: **_I _lied?! Where were you?!

**Jedi #13; says: **I waited an hour for you at Neon!

**Jedi #13; says: **And I still couldn't find you!

**Jedi #13; says: **Jeez, it's like you're trying to avoid me or something

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **You're lying again

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **You like to lie don't you?

**Jedi #13; says: **What are you talking about?

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **I trusted you on this

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **You said that everything was going to be alright

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **And now my mother's dead

**Jedi #13; says: **WTF?! Playing Jedi mind games is one thing, but joking about death… that's just a little too far now

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **Joking? Who said I was joking?

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **Is everything I say to you a joke now?

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **So all the comfort you offered before was one big lie?

**Jedi #13; says: **Okay… I can only assume that you're not kidding

**Jedi #13; says: **Look, I'm sorry about this and everything, but why are you getting angry at me?

**Jedi #13; says: **It's not my fault… blame it on Nature, blame it on Time

**Jedi #13; says: **Besides, you never told me about this before… how was I to know that you weren't kidding?

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **Lies… all of them, just lies

**Jedi #13; says: **What are you talking about?

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **Why are you always so defensive?

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **Can't you just listen again, like you used to?

**Jedi #13; says: **Look, I'm all for listening and everything, but you're not making any sense!

**Jedi #13; says: **I remember the old times. I remember all the fun times we used to have.

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **So can't we just go back to those times?

**Jedi #13; says: **NO! I've changed, Tohru!

**Jedi #13; says: **I've changed! And maybe I just can't help you like those old times!Maybe I'm not that shoulder you can cry on anymore

**Jedi #13; says: **People change, Tohru! I can't read minds! I'm not the person who you think I am!

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **I'm not asking you to read minds

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **I'm just asking for you to listen

**Jedi #13; says: **I'm sick of listening! All of these made-up stories about what _we've _done this or that day!

**Jedi #13; says: **I have _no idea_ what you're talking about

**Jedi #13; says: **You've stood me up _twice already_

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **I'm sorry, but could you just stop being so defensive for one moment?!

**Jedi #13; says: **The blame game will get you nowhere

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **I'm not blaming anyone, I'm not asking you to read minds

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **I just want someone to listen to me

**Jedi #13; says: **Then find someone else.

> > **_Jedi #13; _**_has signed off._

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **Hello Yuki, this is Tohru speaking

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **I'm sorry I wasted two minutes of your life

**[ Red Butterfly ] says: **Because, you know, dead mothers and broken friendships need _no one_ and want _nothing_

> > **_[ Red Butterfly ] _**_has signed off._

* * *

The sky was a vast place to get lost in. The stars were faint, drowned out by the city lights, but the moon hung there; a bright orb that seemed out of place amongst the grayness of the sky.

It was still nighttime, or morning if you wanted to be technical. It was an ungodly hour, but Tohru was outside roaming the garbage-strewn sidewalks. She threaded her way around abandoned buildings and stumps of trees, long dead. She kept her head down, concentrated on the specks of quartz buried in the crags and cracks of the pavement.

There was a chill in the air that crawled under her skin. It felt like her heart was no longer beating, but replaced by a frantic tingle in her chest. At least, she thought there was a chill. Tohru raised her head. _It's cold._

She was thinking. Thinking hard about the past and cherishing the fun moments she had had. Being reacquainted with Yuki had been a miracle - if only it had lasted. That tragic little _if_ that haunted every memory. _It would have lasted forever - if only he had listened. I would be happy now - if I could smile for Mom._

Tohru found herself walking along a bridge. Thick, waist-high, stone barriers prevented her from falling into the depths of the black waters below. The black waters. They were magical, hypnotic. The drop was a long way down, down into the illusion of nothingness. The waves of the water were rhythmic. They held certainty, and oddly, it was comforting to see such a pattern.

Tearing her eyes away from the waters that threatened to swallow her, she instead stared at the city that surrounded her. No, it towered over her. It smothered her and was just waiting to collapse; fall and take her world along with it. Where could she find solace? Where could she stop being this nameless Jane?

She pulled herself up onto the stone barrier with difficulty. One leg and then the other. Soon she was standing. There was a chill in the air. Tohru was panting from the exertion and she could see the puffs of steam coming from her mouth. Her hands were cold. She stared at them intently in the darkness. They weren't pink anymore. Instead, they had acquired a pink-gray tone. And they were cold. So cold. Did that mean that she was dead? Dead like her mother? Dead like her friendship? Dead like Kyou?

Kyou wasn't dead. He was gone. He was Yuki. And Yuki was gone. But Kyou, Kyou was dead.

Why did it make sense all of a sudden?

Kyou wasn't dead. Kyou was Yuki. That meant he was dead. Didn't it? Didn't it?

Didn't it?

Tohru closed her eyes. The blackness of her eyelids was like the waves below. She could see comfort in the back of her eyes. With her eyes closed she couldn't see anything that would hurt her. There was nothing but black, nothing that would break her heart or crush her hopes.

She opened her eyes again and blinked a few times. It took her a few moments to realize that she did indeed have her eyes open. She had forgotten that she was looking down into the black waters. The gentle sweeping of the river and lapping at the shore, hush of waves; they quietly begged her to leap.

What if she were to jump? It would be fun to fall, fun to let go and not worry anymore. The rush of the plummet; the thrill of the jump, it would free her of all misery. Would anyone miss her anyway? She was meaningless. And she was so tired of playing games. Being this nameless Jane.

_Just one step, _she thought. _One step before I can fall and fly. I won't die from this. I'll just be seeing mother again. It's only one step. How much can one step do?_

_Shut up! _ screamed a voice in her head. _Your mother didn't want this! Shut up shut up shut up! Shut up and look at what you're doing!_

Tohru was too mesmerized with the thought of the plunge that she didn't hear the voice. She couldn't hear anything. She could just feel the chill that rose in her bones and froze her heart. She could feel the cold in her hands. She could feel the welcoming ebb of the tide of the black waters below.

She couldn't hear the quiet footsteps that approached her from behind.

"Hey you! Idiot! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" yelled a voice from behind her.

It stunned her from her trance. Maybe someone did care enough to stop her. Maybe they could teach her how to smile for her mother again. Tohru turned around swiftly. Too swiftly, she realized as she lost her footing. She moved two inches back before losing her footing to the nothingness.

For a few breathtaking moments, Tohru felt like she was in limbo. Her mind prepared her for the plummet that spelt near-certain death in the murkiness below. But for the few seconds that she knew she would die, she could only stare at the man that stood on the pavement in front of her. And strangely, his horrified face made her smile. There was something about the terror in his red eyes that she loved.

_Someone cares,_ she thought.

She could hear again; the wind rushing past her ears, the distant honking of the car horns, and a scuffling above before realizing her own cold hands had locked with someone's warm ones.

The man pulled her up with little exertion.

"What the hell? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" he ranted when she was safe on the sidewalk.

There was no terror left in his eyes, only anger and a hint of worry. Still, his presence made her feel warm and fuzzy inside. Oddly warm and fuzzy. After a brush with death, all Tohru could think about were his eyes and the warmth of his hands.

But that feeling collapsed after a few seconds. A few seconds and she realized how cold she had been, how the wind had sounded rushing past her ears and how … how dead she would have been.

"I-I was just going for a walk," she lied meekly.

She couldn't meet his eyes again. She wanted to vomit. She wanted a bed and comfy pillow. She wanted her Mommy.

"Mommy can't come right now_,"_ she whispered painfully. "Mommy's busy, but she wants me to smile. Mommy wants me to smile for Yuki, even if he doesn't care."

_But he cares…_ she thought as she tried to look at the orange-haired man again.

He was still ranting. "A walk? A walk?! Oh yea, I'm so sure, lady! You think I was born yesterday? _A walk?_ That's the best you can come up with?! GEEZ!"

He grabbed her hand and pulled her behind him as he stomped off. "Wh-where are we going?" Tohru asked weakly, mildly shocked that she was being dragged away by some stranger.

He turned around and planted his hands on her shoulders. "Where do you think we're going, lady?!" he demanded, shaking her. "I'm sending you to a hospital, right now! Geez, you belong in an insane asylum… what the hell did you think you're doing?!"

But Tohru didn't process a word he said. She didn't hear his ranting or the masked concern in his voice. She had looked into his eyes and a silence had fallen.

They were beautiful. They were possessed. It hurt to think as she stared. Swirling memories of her childhood past, of finding Yuki and her mother's death waltzed before her gaze, but those eyes still stood out.

A complicated waltz of memories, of growing up into this gray world, of wanting to die and be with her mother. Spinning in such an intricate fashion and it was as if her memories were watching her. Watching her and taunting her with such happiness in the past.

How she wished she could send it all away.

Tohru collapsed.

* * *

**_Capheine says: _**_Tohru collapses a lot doesn't she? _

_I'm sorry about the uneventful chapter ;; It was more for character development I guess… or not even that really. I'll just stop digging my grave right now._

_Thank you again to all the reviewers, hope you enjoyed this chapter regardless! I guess I'll be writing more soon._

_Flames are entirely welcome as long as they are justified (_not_ 'ur story sucked! I Hated it becuz Yuuki was ew! EW!!!!112!!'). You get my point._

Friday, June 25, 2004


	6. The Plot Thickens

-- RomanceDOTcom --

**06: The Plot Thickens**

Thursday July 08, 2004

**_Capheine says: _**_My rabid obsession for Furuba has turned to Harry Potter (especially the RonHermione ship). I'll continue writing this fic, but if you witness a lack of updates, you'll know why. I'M SORRY!_

**_Disclaimers dictate: _**_These are so boring now. Know that from this point forward, the characters that I write generally belong to Natsuki Takaya._

* * *

Tohru snuggled deeper into the sheets, clutching a pair of jeans to her face, much like a security blanket. Feeling the rough denim against her skin, she opened her eyes blearily and saw that, no, this wasn't her pair of jeans, and no, this certainly was not her room. She straightened up instantly and began to hyperventilate upon the blue bed sheets.

_Where am I?_ she thought, rubbing her eyes over and over again, hoping that it might have been some strange dream.

The room she so timidly sat in was a typical bachelor's lair. Clothes thrown carelessly over any clean surface, dirty dishes cluttering desks and chairs, and oddly, sheet music and a number of guitar picks thrown in the mix for a sort of 'deprived artist' feel. Tohru was scared, very scared.

She couldn't find a telephone in this mess, but spotted a computer loftily sitting in the opposite corner of Deprived Artist's room. Maybe she could e-mail someone about her plight and some police in shining armour would save her! Of course! It was a brilliant plan!

She struggled to fight her way out of the tangled web of blankets, but her toe connected with some hard and blunt, and she was forced to stop her battle to wince painfully and nurture her stubbed toe. She dug through the clothing and sheets to find out what had caused her such pain, and came up with a picture frame.

_A picture frame? Right in the middle of a bed?_ she thought. She decided that she didn't like bachelor pads.

She was about to examine the picture mounted in the frame, but the bedroom door hesitantly creaked open and she instead chucked the photo across the room, instinctively pulling the bed sheets up, though fully clothed.

A man's head came through the gap, then a man's arms (carrying a tray with soup and juice), then a man's body and legs. He noticed that she was awake and hastened to put the tray down on the side table beside her and retreat to a chair planted at the foot of the bed. "Don't freak out on me!" he said in a rush. "I had to do something. The hospital was too far away so I couldn't carry you, and I didn't have enough money for cab fare," he added sheepishly. "Besides, it would look kinda strange carrying a passed-out girl into a car…"

_It's him! _Tohru realized, recognition finally registering. It was the orange-haired man that had pulled her up from the edge of the bridge and ranted to her about stupidity and other stuff she hadn't listened to. It was also the man with those eyes…__

Tohru forced herself to concentrate on what he was saying, but he had already finished speaking and looked as if he were waiting for an answer. Tohru panicked. She didn't know what to say and he had probably assumed that she was some depressed idiot who didn't know how to string two words together. Instead of replying with a classic "What?", she grabbed the tray with the soup and juice and smiled at him. He looked relieved.

_You haven't said anything yet, Tohru_, she thought to herself. _Think of something smart to say or at least thank him for saving your life and taking care of you._

_ But what if he's a crazy stalker person who brought me here just to… eww, I don't want to think about it_

Before she could continue with her odd monologue, he began to speak again. "What's your name?" he asked.

"Oh Tohru. Honda Tohru," she answered politely, while thinking of a way to make those words seem longer and more intelligent.

A strange look flickered across his face, but he returned to his usual visage of strong and silent. "Oh," was all he said.

* * *

There was a strange, vacant girl sitting in his bed and eating from his bowl and drinking from his cup. She was quiet and didn't say much, but the night before she had tried to kill herself, so really Kyou couldn't complain. Besides, she was kind of cute.

Kyou inwardly blanched at the thought and cursed at himself (again, inwardly) for such an inappropriate thought. She had wanted to _kill herself._ She was probably some psychopathic drifter who only posed as a normal, brown-haired girl occasionally so she could lure some poor saps like himself to save her and take care of her.

Still, she was pretty.

Kyou inwardly punched himself.

Things were getting too awkwardly quiet, so Kyou had asked for her name, somewhat stupidly. "What's your name?"

"Oh Tohru. Honda Tohru."

Then she looked a little strained, as if looking for something at the corners of her eyes before returning her attention to the soup.

Honda Tohru.

It was the name of the kid friend he had had. For a moment he fooled himself into thinking that maybe, just maybe, this was the scrawny girl he had befriended when he was little.

_No way! Kaibara Elementary is ages away from here. The chances of her being the same Tohru you know are slim to none,_ he corrected.

Still, she kind of reminded him of Little Tohru and she was very pretty.

_You **are**__a poor sap Kyou. A very pathetic, poor sap._

* * *

"You're not usually like… like this, are you?" the man brought up bluntly. Obviously his curiousity had gotten the better of him. He didn't look like the subtle type either.

_Like what?_ Tohru thought, before she realized what he meant. _Oooh… like **that**_.

She shook her head and forced herself to continue to smile. But Tohru knew that this was one of her fake smiles that actually looked fake. She wanted to tell him everything, even if he was a stranger, even if she didn't know his name and even if he probably didn't care. She wanted to spill the beans, let the cat out of the bag, stop beating around the bush, but she couldn't form the words properly with her mouth and instead just paused, staring uncomfortably at the bed sheets.

He shrugged. "If you don't want to talk about it, then you might as well not." And promptly got up from his chair to exit the room.

He paused before opening the bedroom door and almost like an afterthought, he added, "If you need anything, just ask."

There was a moment when their eyes connected and Tohru couldn't stand her silence anymore.

"My mom died," she stated bluntly. "My mom died and - and I wasn't there."

Tohru shuddered and wondered what an idiot she must be in his eyes. Here she was, a stranger in his room telling her life story to him and expecting him to listen. And he had already done so much for her…

Surprisingly, he didn't seem to mind listening at all. In fact, he actually replied to her confession. "Oh… oh, well you shouldn't feel too bad," he said awkwardly. "She must be feeling a lot better now, 'cause she isn't suffering anymore, right?"

She looked back up at him, somewhat confused.

He shrugged again. "My mom died a few years back. I was there, and believe me, it isn't much better. But then I got angry, and it pretty much ruined my life." He rubbed his arms, as if he were cold. "It wasn't worth it after a while. I guess you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. And killing yourself definitely won't do anything."

Timidly, but with a tone of slight indignance, Tohru replied, "I wasn't trying to kill myself… I just wanted a… a break."

That's all it had really been; a break from her job and all the bad things that were swirling around her head and eating away at her heart. She had just wanted that feeling of letting go for just an instant. Just one instant.

He snorted at her weak argument. "Some break. Tohru, you were definitely headed for the eternal slumber." When he saw her shocked expression he quickly added, "I mean… Just don't beat yourself up about it. It's natural and… and you're not the only one, okay? Your mom wouldn'tve wanted you to be miserable."

It was the same thing Tohru had been believing all along, but somehow, hearing it come from his mouth and knowing that someone at least understood her pain, it made the world look at least a little less dull.

Her mouth felt surprisingly dry suddenly, and she took a sip of her orange juice. Just how close had she been to death? She felt faint for a moment and needed to lean back on the pillows. She closed her eyes and took in a very deep breath. She could have been dead by now. She could have been floating along some nameless river, face down and eternally staring down into the murky depths. The image stunned her and she involuntarily shivered. Had the temperature just dropped a few degrees? Tohru opened her eyes again, and was relieved to see that she was still in the same room of her… of her hero.

She was safe for now.

The man turned to exit once again, but Tohru stopped him when she asked, "I'm sorry to bother, but - but what's your name?"

He ran his hand through his hair and took a moment to contemplate whether or not to give her his name. Looking back at her innocent face, he finally replied, "Kyou. My name's Sohma Kyou."

She smiled at him, this time genuinely. "Thank you Kyou. Thank you very much."

He blushed. "No problem."

* * *

Tohru decided that she liked Kyou. Putting aside the fact that he _did_ save her life and coax her out of her short-lived depression, Tohru still liked this oddly orange-headed man named Kyou.

There was something comforting about him. And oddly familiar. He was like an old friend that she hadn't seen in a very long time, and for a moment she had thought that maybe it was actually _he_ who had been her childhood friend. But, she quickly banished that thought. It had just been another stupid thought of hers. Kyou couldn't have been The Kyou. The Kyou had actually been Yuki.

After being caught staring at him one time too many times, Kyou had finally (and somewhat angrily) asked Tohru, "What is with you?"

She had only smiled at him and propped her head on her hand, staring at him in a mock-dreamy way. "It's nothing," she replied. "There's just something about you that looks really familiar. Do you think we might have met before?"

They were sitting together on the patio of Neon and the other patrons were busily chatting, creating an unnatural buzz in the air. "Met before? Maybe you've seen me sing?" Kyou said offhandedly, trying to make it seem unimportant.

Instead, Tohru freaked.

"YOU SING?!" she gasped. "That's amazing! I've never ever met a performer before! Well, except Uncle Teruhisu, but he was a mime so he doesn't count… Can I have your autograph?" she asked, grabbing a napkin and rooting around her purse for a pen.

Kyou looked at her incredulously. "You're kidding right? An autograph? Geez, it's nothing really."

"But it is! Something, that is. It is something! You're a singer! Ah, it's always been my dream to meet a famous singer," she exclaimed. _And have him fall in love with me,_ she thought, but she didn't feel like adding in that part.

"Famous? … You're crazy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Actually, someone has…"

"I-I mean not in… Geez, you take things too seriously. I didn't _really_ mean it."

"Oh n-no! I didn't take it that way, you don't need to apologize!"

"I-I wasn't apologizing!"

"Oh."

"I mean… I mean… I think I've seen you before," Kyou said, improvising and trying to wrack his brain for a time that he might've actually seen her.

Tohru stared intently into his face, making Kyou a tad uncomfortable. "Yes, I think I've seen you perform before," she said seriously. "I was with Yuki and Kagura here, at Neon. I think I saw you sing." _But I had been seriously intoxicated then. _Again, she didn't feel like she needed to include all the details.

"Yuki and Kagura?" Kyou asked.

"F-friends of mine," Tohru said hesitantly. Was she really on talking terms with them? After all, Yuki and her had had a horrendous fight and she wasn't sure if he had forgiven her yet. She resolved to make up with him sometime soon, if he ever came online.

Online.

"Umm, Kyou, do you have an e-mail? So that maybe, sometimes, I could talk to you online… But you don't have to give it to me if you don't want to, it's okay that we're just seeing each other occasionally!" she rushed, cheeks a faint pink.

His eyebrows raised before he said, "You apologize a lot. You know that don't you?"

She nodded, suddenly extremely interested with her left shoe.

"You don't have to say sorry for everything. You're just asking for my e-mail. Here, my e-mail is…"

Kyou's watch started to beep and he swore under his breath. "Tohru I have to go for a gig. It's right here at Neon, but if you don't wanna stay you don't have to," he said, an odd tone to his voice.

She immediately looked up, eyes bright. "And miss your singing?!" she exclaimed. "Why would I ever want to miss your singing?!"

He looked surprised, but still a bit relieved. "I'm gonna go in and get prepared then. You know, my guitar and everything… you can just go inside and grab a beanbag. They're-they're really comfortable," he said awkwardly. Kyou couldn't believe that he was asking for her to stay and watch him sing.

"I'll be sure to get one close to the stage," she beamed as she followed him inside.

Kyou disappeared through a door marked "Staff" and Tohru strode towards the stage, searching for the familiar pink cow-print beanbag.

Finally spotting it, she plopped down and waited while the tech crew adjusted the microphones and wires. She found herself thinking that it was too bad that Yuki and Kagura weren't here. _Yuki might have been interested in Kyou_, she thought. _After all, didn't Yuki mention that he also performed?_

He had, in fact, said something about performing before and Tohru being able to witness his art the night he had invited her to Neon. Alas, she had never seen him do anything that was remotely artistic. Or maybe she had been too intoxicated to remember it.

_I miss Yuki and Kagura. I wonder if Yuki's in any mood to forgive me._

_ Or if you're in any mood to forgive him _

She couldn't help but include that little afterthought. After all, it had been him who was the completely insensitive, clueless, unkind…

The lights dimmed and Tohru was taken back into a world of red and blue lights; lights that framed a certain someone as he sat on a lone stool at the centre of the stage. A few solitary notes sounded from his guitar and his voice carried around the entire café/club.

_Kyou._

Tohru was captivated.

* * *

"Kagura, could you please ask a favour for me from Yuki?"

"A favour? Sure, what do you want me to pass on to him?"

"Just ask him to…"

This was the way it had always been. Whenever anyone wanted something brought to the attention of her beloved Yuki, they would always go to Kagura and plead for her to ask him instead. After all, she was his girlfriend. Surely he would listen to his girlfriend.

Was that all they saw her as? Would she always be known as Kagura, Yuki's girlfriend?

"Okay, I'll be sure to ask him then."

"Thank you so much, Kagura! I owe you one!"

Kagura loved being independent. She liked tackling tasks on her own. She liked solving problems by herself. Sure, she loved Yuki and would cling to him, but that was just because she loved him so much. She could do well on her own. She could do plenty well on her own.

Right?

She had been offered this good job and had been promoted a few times too. People recognized her for the good effort and hard work she contributed to the workplace. Right? Or was she really just The Girlfriend. Just the one you would go to when you wanted something changed.

This had been bothering her for a while now. She still adored Yuki. She still loved him with every ounce of strength she possessed (which was a lot). But somehow, she couldn't help but feel a little smothered. Just a little too dependent on him.

Kagura loved being independent.

But independence always had its price to pay.

* * *

The heat of the summer crashed upon them like a cartoon anvil. There wasn't a day when one couldn't find children happily splashing in small, inflatable pools or dancing through the lawn sprinkler. The jingling of ice cream trucks was now a permanent addition to the noisy workings of the city and even pompous businessmen found themselves stopping to buy a scoop.

Tohru looked out the window at the happily shining sun and sighed, knowing that she would spend the better part of the day stuck inside working on her research paper. Sometimes she wondered if post-secondary education was really worth it.

_Mom wanted it, _she thought sadly, biting the inside of her lip. _I will get through this! But please don't let there be a blackout, please don't let there be a blackout…_

Due to the heat, there had been an unusual number of blackouts lately and Tohru was worried that if her computer suddenly shut down on her for a few hours, she wouldn't have the time (or the energy) to go back to working on her paper.

Completing her silent mantra, she turned on her computer and toiled away on her research. It really wasn't that hard when she put her mind to it. Hours passed and the sun followed its path along the sky.

Tohru leaned back and stretched in her rolly chair. _How long have I been working?_ she thought while rolling her shoulders. _I think I've done enough to deserve a break…_

She downsized the document and windows that displayed her research project and instead signed onto her instant messenger.

* * *

> > **_[ Captivated ] _**_has signed on._

Yuki was online. He screen name was right there, staring at her in the accusatory way that inanimate objects usually do. _Is it worth it, this silence? _Tohru thought. She took a deep breath.

**[ Captivated ] says: **Hi

**Version #1.3; says: **So you're talking to me again?

**[ Captivated ] says: **I'm really really sorry about freaking out on you like that

**[ Captivated ] says: **Can you forgive me, please?

**Version #1.3; says: **Woah woah woah, I was just kidding. I'm the one to blame anyway.

**Version #1.3; says: **I wasn't listening and jumping to conclusions like I usually do

**Version #1.3; says: **I guess, I'm sorry

**Version #1.3; says: **I mean, I am … sorry, I guess

**[ Captivated ] says: ** Don't worry about it__

So all was well in the world between Yuki and Tohru. He had forgiven her, she had forgiven him and that was that. It felt good to be on his good side again.

But still…

**Version #1.3; says: **So, what's up? You wanna talk about anything?

**[ Captivated ] says: **You won't believe what just happened to me

**[ Captivated ] says: **It's a good thing though

**[ Captivated ] says: **I met this guy who's a performer! Just like you (sort of)

**Version #1.3; says: **Oh?

**Version #1.3; says: **Wait, wait, you're not gonna get all girly on me, are you?

**[ Captivated ] says: **=P No! His name's

Tohru pressed the 'Enter' key before she finished typing though, because at that moment her doorbell rang.

**[ Captivated ] says: **brb

"Just a moment please!" she called, racing to her front door. _I wonder who it is…_

She opened the door without looking through the peephole and was surprised to see Yuki standing there. Actually he wasn't standing; he was leaning against the doorframe, panting. And Tohru wasn't just surprised; she was shocked, aghast and slightly faint.

_B-but, I was just talking to him on the instant messenger. How could he have…_

Yuki looked up and straight at Tohru. His eyes were terrifying and distraught; they matched perfectly with his pale face and disheveled hair.

Tohru was almost afraid to ask. "Yuki… what…?"

He cleared his throat, more out of habit than anything, but his professionalism didn't mask the heartbreak in his voice.

"She's leaving."

* * *

**_Capheine says: _**_Mmm, just guess who's leaving (doesn't take a rocket scientist)._

_ Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I was happy to be able to write it in just a day (well actually, I'm writing past midnight so technically it's two, but details details)._

_ Oh, and for those who don't IM people a lot, 'brb' means 'be right back'._

Thursday July 08, 2004


	7. In Holy Matrimony

-- RomanceDOTcom --

**07: In Holy Matrimony**

Friday July 16, 2004

_**Capheine says: **Started writing despite myself. I'm kind of bored right now, so excuse the lack of stuff in this author's note. On with the story._

* * *

"She's leaving."

For a moment Tohru was confused. _'She's leaving'? Who's leaving?_ Then it hit her.

"Kagura's leaving?! Wha-why-how?!" she asked frantically. Kagura's leaving meant Yuki's broken heart meant a lot of pieces to clean up meant a lot of depressed Yuki and horrible things.

And how was it that Yuki was here in the first place? She had just been talking to him online!

Tohru led Yuki into her apartment, her hand hovering just above his shoulder, and settled him upon her couch. He tried to look collected and composed, but it was obvious that he was tired and panicked. Yuki looked like he had run here; sprinted across busy streets and slipped past disgruntled pedestrians. Both seated, he continued with his story. "I don't know!" he burst, placing his hands neatly on his lap, but clenching them until his knuckles were white. "She told me over the phone... said that she didn't want to be so dependent... dependent, I don't know what she's talking about... going to Europe to achieve... achieve more," he panted. He was still gasping for breath and his eyes were still terribly, terribly panicked. Yuki finally let his visage slip and didn't look like he was even trying to be suave or cool anymore.

He was losing the love of his life.

Tohru jumped up and hurried into the kitchen. _I need to get him drink to water. I mean, water to drink. Something to nerve his calms... calm his nerves... does Aspirin help in times like these?!_ she fretted.

"She said she didn't want to be 'the girlfriend' anymore... what does that mean? What does it all mean?! Do you know?!" he asked pained, looking as if he was on the verge of grabbing her shirt and shaking her for answers.

"I-I... No! I don't, I don't understand why Kagura would leave either! When's she leaving, why's she leaving, how could she leave?! Are you sure you didn't just hear her wrong or something? It's possible that this was just a misunderstanding!" Tohru pressed, leaving the glass of water on the coffee table.

He was running his hands through his hair now, messing it up even further. He seemed to have regained at least some of his artificial composure. "No. She simply called me and told me that she was leaving. She was going far away to be ... alone?"

The panic had left his eyes now, but he still looked so confused. Yuki leaned back on Tohru's couch. "I don't understand..." he murmured, closing his eyes.

Tohru took this quiet moment as a window of opportunity to properly hand him the water. He stared at the glass as if it was a completely foreign object to him, but eventually started to sip the water gingerly.

She felt guilty, but Tohru wandered back to the computer anyway:

**[ Captivated ] says: **I'm sorry, a friend just popped over

**[ Captivated ] says: **He needs me right now

_**[ Captivated ] **has signed off._

Just the act of typing made her skin crawl. The person she was talking to wasn't supposed to exist. Yuki was here, at her apartment. She wasn't supposed to be able to talk to him online. Then again... he could have been talking to her, gotten the phone call, sprinted over in, well, about three seconds and collapsed on her doorway. It could've been possible. Tohru was willing to accept that pitiful answer in substitute of another.

Yuki could have been a ghost.

Yes, a ghost.

It was a stupid thought, but Tohru looked over her shoulder just to check if Yuki was indeed solid flesh and bone and not a figure composed solely of ectoplasm.

Fingers still tingling, she wandered her way back to the Yuki on her couch. Answers to her questions would have to come later. Right now, she had a distraught friend to take care of.

"Please relax. Tell me from the beginning..."

* * *

**[ Captivated ] says: **I'm sorry, a friend just popped over

**[ Captivated ] says: **He needs me right now

_**[ Captivated ] **has signed off._

_So Little Tohru's involved with someone, _Kyou thought, a look of slight disappointment sliding over his face.

_[God, why do you call her Little Tohru? You sound like such a pansy when you say it.]_

_That way I don't get her mixed up with New Tohru! Geez..._

_[You know, you're gonna mess up one day and actually call her New Tohru out loud and she'll be like 'wha?' and you'll look like an idiot. You do realize that right?] _

_Just shut up._

Lately Kyou had been having a lot of conversations in his head. They had a lot to do with Little Tohru and New Tohru. The two weren't hard to mix up. Oh no. They had different names just so that Kyou didn't get any funny ideas about New Tohru being Little Tohru and start acting all sentimental around her. After all, New Tohru wouldn't like him anymore if he suddenly started reminiscing about all the old times they had had. She would probably call him crazy and stomp away.

Geez, that would be horrible.

Kyou really liked New Tohru. He didn't know exactly how much yet, but he knew that he just really liked being around her. She was so... innocent and naïve. Yea, they could be bad traits, but they made Kyou feel like someone needed him. And she _had _needed him. Needed him to save her from jumping off that bridge and dying.

Yep, New Tohru was definitely different from Little Tohru. Little Tohru was just as crazy and just as addle-brained as New Tohru, but at least Kyou knew that Little Tohru would put up with his unapologetic nature. With New Tohru, he wasn't as sure yet. He'd just have to wait it out.

His thoughts branched out further, comparing the two, even though he couldn't really mentally picture how Little Tohru would look now. What had it been? Ten years or so? It was odd and kind of sad that they hadn't talked until now. Little Tohru would have been twenty-one now, the same age as Kyou. She had brown hair and blue eyes...

Kyou leaned back on his computer chair with his arms behind his head. _New Tohru also has brown hair and blue eyes... Are you sure that she isn't the same person as Little Tohru?_

He got up from his chair and wandered over to his bed, digging around the covers in search of the picture frame he had left there. In it there had been a picture of him and Little Tohru. They were running a race together and although Little Tohru had been falling behind, he had been fruitlessly attempting to drag her along.

Kyou had torn this picture from a yearbook of his and had framed it. He kept the picture because it inspired him and inspiration was something singers like him needed constantly. It was strange how one really old picture could motivate him. It must've been a really good picture. _Damnit, where'd it go? _he asked himself, tearing the sheets from the bed, hoping to dislodge the frame from any secret, unreachable hiding place.

But nothing flew from the covers.

_Damn._

Kyou settling back into his computer chair and crossed his arms. _I could swear I left it on my bed sheets..._ He suddenly noticed the frame on the floor by the wall. Coming closer, he saw that there was actually a dent in the wall, as if caused by someone throwing the picture frame into the wall. _Damnit, how could've that happened? _he thought, not recalling throwing the frame.

He wandered over and picked up the picture. The glass was dusty and smudged in places, but still allowed a perfect view of the happy children below. Staring intently at the girl's face in the picture, Kyou silently thought, _So Little Tohru, are you New Tohru?_

The photographed face stared silently back at him, a look of tired but pure ecstasy on her face. Kyou half-expected her mouth to start moving, but nothing happened, and she just stayed staring at him. Suddenly, there was a moment when everything clicked.

_Hmm, exactly what I thought, _he mused, putting the frame down gently.

_I'm going crazy._

* * *

"Order up!" the cook called, shoving yet another breakfast special onto the counter.

"Yo Tohru, could you get that, please? I'm a little busy right now," asked her manager, who was juggling a few of the customer's receipts.

Tohru was happy to oblige. She was surprised that he had actually used the word 'please' outside the context of a threat ('say please or it's ass to asphalt for you!').

Lately he had been happy. Very happy...

Maybe he had been going through some weird, male version of menopause that got him really cranky and annoyed, but then he got some medication that went straight to his head and then altered the mean gene or maybe he just got a new pet puppy and it was wiggly and cute and made him happy or maybe aliens abducted her real supervisor and replaced him with a happier alien or maybe...

"Tohru get your ass in gear, dammit!" he shouted.

No, never mind.

She scooped up the special and hurried to deliver it to table thirteen. Table thirteen always rained on her parade. Call it superstition, but it seemed like she always served the rudest, non-tipping-est customers at table thirteen.

"Hello sir, here's the breakfast special that you ordered! It'll be $4.89 including tax and... Kyou!" she exclaimed, staring at the customer to whom she was catering.

Kyou looked up from the guitar tabs he was poring over and realized the brown-haired waitress was actually New Tohru. "Tohru!" he said, inwardly relieved that he hadn't called her New Tohru out loud. "You work here?"

"This is where I've seen you!" Tohru blurted, uncharacteristically ignoring his question. "Neon and here! I served coffee to you once... I remember now!"

_She can remember serving coffee to me months ago, but she can't remember to wear matching socks, _Kyou said to himself, looking down at her socks. _She's so hopeless._ But still he inwardly smiled at her antics.

"Why have I never noticed you before?"

"I don't really come here often."

"Doing your guitar work, undoubtedly."

"Actually, yea, I'm um... trying to figure out a new song," Kyou said, suddenly shy and briskly gathering his papers together while shielding the title and lyrics from her.

Tohru took no notice. "This is so amazing!" she exclaimed.

It was a little pathetic, but Tohru really believed in things like fate and destiny. Meeting Kyou so often and in such surprising places was more than coincidence. It could have been...

"Tohru! I don't pay you to chitchat with customers! Other people are waiting, ya know?!" her manager called angrily from the counter.

"My shift ends at eleven o'clock," Tohru told Kyou, while straightening a few things on his table that didn't need to be straightened. "Can you stay until then? And then maybe we could go to the park or see a movie or something."

It took a few moments before Tohru realized that this might have looked like she was asking him out on a date. She blushed and wiped her suddenly clammy hands on the front of her apron.

"Sure, no problem," Kyou answered, hiding his own reddening face by concentrating on his papers. "I have a lot of work to do anyway."

"Tohru?! Hello?! Your job?!"

Trying to ignore her thoughts of fate and destiny, Tohru shuffled off and picked up a few tips on her way to the counter.

Her manager needed some of those happy pills.

* * *

"Are you sure I shouldn't come over, help you to pack or something else?" Yuki asked, grabbing a mug from his large, oaken kitchen cupboard. He was lightly interrogating Kagura over his ivory kitchen phone. Wasn't there anything that he could do to help? Anything he could do to make her _stay_?

Kagura struggled with the packing tape she was desperately trying to pull over another big box. Her loft was already filled with similar large cardboard boxes. "No, I'm sorry Yuki," she half-grunted. "You'd just be a distraction." She was already having a difficult time chatting with him, what with her hands occupied and her neck strained from grasping the cordless with her shoulder.

He sat down at the dining table and swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat. "Is that all I am now? A distraction?" he asked, roughly. Yuki was glad that it hadn't come out like the original croak it would have been.

"No, no! That's not what I meant!" Kagura rushed, setting down the tape dispenser and properly grasping the phone. "You know that's not what I meant!"

"I know, I know. I just can't believe this, Kagura," he responded, putting a hand to his forehead. It felt like his heart and mind would explode. Simultaneously. "Why?"

The question hung on the phone line like an empty, hollow echo.

"You know why," she murmured, pained. Why was he making her decision so difficult? Couldn't he see that she didn't really mean it? If only he would tell her, tell her that he loved her or something. Maybe then she would stay. "I have to go and make a path for myself."

Yuki bit his tongue. "So you're sure you're fine packing by yourself?" he asked, trying to avoid the topic of her independence. Yuki didn't want to think about Kagura being out there alone. He knew he was being selfish and possessive. But he loved her. He loved her so much and he certainly did not want her to be independent if that meant leaving him. Possessive or not, he wanted to be with her.

"I'm sure I'm fine."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm positive."

Yuki covered the receiver as he sighed. "Isn't there anything that would get you to stay?" he asked, almost pleading. ... _with me? _But he didn't add that part. He had spent too many years being calm and collected to start pining for her over the phone. But he still regretted that he hadn't.

Kagura's end of the line was silent for a while. The empty, white noise of the line was unbearable to listen to. _Talk to me,_ Yuki thought, _I need your voice. I need these last moments with you by my side._

Kagura felt tears prickling at the back of her eyes. _Please stop making me love you, Yuki._ She was getting too emotional for a phone conversation, so she did what she thought was appropriate. She ignored the question. "Look... I have to go pack now," she said, filling her voice with all the passiveness her aching heart would allow her.

"Oh, okay then," Yuki said, put-out. For a moment, he had thought she was going to say that she would stay. "I'll leave you... to your packing."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Bye then."

"Goodbye."

* * *

The click of the disconnected line held a tone of finality to it that Yuki wanted to tear his hair out. If only it would ease the pain that throbbed so mercilessly in the centre of his chest. Instead, being the cool and composed man he was, he took a few sips of his coffee. It was tasteless. He was tempted to throw it across the room. Smash it and everything around him. Instead, being the cool and composed man he was, he emptied it into the sink.

Being cool and composed sucked.

_Kagura. Kagura. Kagura, Kagura, Kagura Kagura Kagura KaguraKaguraKagura,_ over and over in his head like a broken tape recorder that echoed all the way to his heart, adding to the throbbing, smashing pain.

He stood in front of a mirror and examined himself. His hair was neat. His teeth were clean. He face was smooth and blemish-free. His clothes were neatly pressed and suited him well. He looked fine.

He didn't feel fine.

And in his eyes, there was a hint of pain that he'd never seen before. He blinked, wondering if it was just a trick of the light. No, it was still there. A little shadow of sadness that brazenly splashed itself across his face. It washed away his smile.

He stayed staring at the mirror for quite a while, staring at the empty spot in his eyes that led all the way down to his broken heart.

* * *

How ironic that the very items Kagura was packing away now were the things that reminded her most about her ended relationship - a seemingly endless pile of frames and photos that had always rested on her fireplace mantle. She pulled out her favourite picture. They were at Disneyland and wearing those goofy Mickey Mouse hats. They were both laughing and she had forced him to give her a piggyback. Those were good times.

She placed it among the other pictures buried in the styrofoam peanuts. So many memories that she felt she could pack away and carelessly place into storage. It was a lie. It was all a lie. Such a huge lie that she could just forget it all and never look back. She was constantly checking over her shoulder; she was _always_ looking back.

Why couldn't he tell her that he loved her?

Kagura gritted her teeth painfully and clenched her hands into fists. _This was your own decision. Aren't you going to follow through?_ she thought angrily. _You are your own woman aren't you? You _are _independent and you _are _capable!_

She snatched up another load of frames and threw them into the overflowing box. _I - don't - need - these - anymore,_ she thought, punctuating each word with another carefully aimed shot. _I - am - my - own - woman._

She wrapped the cardboard box recklessly with ridiculous amounts of packing tape and rage. She was seething and spitting, boiling over with such emotion.

Finally completing her haphazard job, she stood and gloated while towering over that box. _There! There! That's what I think of you... you stupid memories! You stupid _stupid_ memories!_ She was just so angry, so heartbreakingly angry.

_This - is what I think of you! _she thought, kicking at the box before sinking to her knees in sobs.

It was all a lie; it was all such a big lie.

Kagura hugged her box of memories. _I want it all back, back where it belongs. Back with me, I want him back with me._

But the present was already leaving and the future was fast-approaching. There was no more time for second thoughts and second wishing. And try as she might to grab onto those precious memories, they were already stored away in a big, lonely cardboard box.

Yuki was already gone.

* * *

The line rang, once, twice, thrice before...

"Hello Tohru? It's Yuki. I need to ask you something..."

* * *

"Well, that movie was... interesting," Kyou choked, biting the insides of his cheeks and forcing himself not to smile.

"Yes," Tohru replied, smiling. "Who knew Richard Simmons acted?"

They looked at each other before breaking into grins.

"It sucked. A lot," Kyou said for the both of them, while Tohru nodded. "Let's wait until there's a summer hit that actually worth watching before we go to a movie again."

"That sounds nice," Tohru piped up as they wandered through the nearby park.

It was another beautiful, summer day, perhaps a little too humid for Kyou's taste, but the sun was shining and the sky hadn't fallen yet, so he couldn't complain. Besides, today was another day he got to spend with Tohru.

The park was filled with other couples strolling happily along, their hands locked in almost holy matrimony. All the lovey-dovey crap was making Kyou feel pressured to do something. But as he looked down at Tohru, he noticed that she was completely oblivious to it all. Typical New Tohru. He didn't want to push his luck though, so he let her continue on her blissful way, not holding her hand or doing anything else that pushed the boundaries of friendliness.

They fell into silence, with only the sound of their footsteps against the stone path accompanying their breathing. Birds chirped, the sun dazzled and other couples around them cooed at one another. Kyou couldn't stand it. Screw being polite, he had to do _something_.

He swallowed loudly before beginning. "Hey Tohru, do you think tomorrow we could..." His voice faded. Okay, he would try again. "You know, tomorrow's supposed to be really nice and..."

Damnit!

"Tohru-do-you-wanna-go-somewhere-tomorrow-with-me?" he rushed, hoping fervently that he didn't look as ridiculous as he felt.

But Tohru was five metres away, burying her face in a pile of orange flowers.

Damnit!

"Don't you think tiger lilies are so pretty, Kyou?" she asked, plucking a blossom from the millions that lined the pathway. To his dismay, she tucked it in behind his ear.

Kyou resisted his urge to immediately tear it from his hair and avoid it like a vampire to holy water. Good Lord, he must've looked like such a pansy right now. Or a tiger lily. "Look Kyou! It matches your hair!" Tohru exclaimed, so happily and so prettily.

_Damn, why does she have to be so..._

Kyou was blushing by now and pulled the flower from his hair. He tucked it behind her ear, inadvertently stroking her cheek as his hand brushed past. "I think it looks better on you," he mumbled, looking very red.

Tohru blushed as well. "Oh," she squeaked, completely distracted by the fragrant rose petals that seemed to be floating down from the sky.

Wait... rose petals? She shook her head, but kept one hand on the tiger lily behind her ear. She was daydreaming again. But about rose petals? That was new...

She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip, embarrassed. "Umm... Kyou, what were you saying about tomorrow?" she asked sheepishly. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. My hearing must be going." In a way she was hoping that maybe he had invited her somewhere on another mock-friend-date-that-didn't-count-but-made-her-feel-giddy-anyway. She felt like such a teenager. But opening her eyes, she realized that Kyou hadn't heard her and was already walking back to the main sidewalk.

"Should I walk you home?" Kyou asked, more gruffly than usual, but the colour remaining in his face.

Tohru didn't notice, she was too distracted by the cherubs that were suddenly singing in the background. "Sure," she breathed, hoping she didn't sound too pathetic and hopelessly...

Needless to say, they walked home in silence.

* * *

"I'll see you around then."

"Yep! Today was a very nice day!"

_I wonder what she means by that, _Kyou said to himself.

This would be their eighth time going out on a casual date and still Kyou didn't understand her feelings towards him. Or her un-feelings. She rarely said anything without blushing, stammering or apologizing, so he couldn't even judge her emotions by the colour of her face or the trembling of her hands. She was so innocently enigmatic it nearly drove him mad. Nearly. But it wasn't just her sweet ingenue personality that was pushing him over the edge...

They were riding the elevator up to her apartment and even as they pinged their way upstairs, Kyou already knew what to expect when the elevator doors slid open. That blasted purple-haired man.

What was his name again? Yuki? Kyou didn't want to remember. Damn Yugi or Yuki or whatever always getting in the middle of their plans. Barging in with his suave, collected personality, sitting on his pretty boy arse and playing such a gentlemen.

Back in reality, the real elevator doors opened and surprise surprise, there was Yuki. "Oh Tohru! I'm really sorry to interrupt your..." - Yuki eyed Kyou suspiciously - "...meeting, but I have to ask you something about our plans."

And of course, Tohru would giggle. She always giggled around him. Not laughed, not chortled and certainly not guffawed. She _giggled_. And that's the other thing that kicked Kyou's ass off the side of the cliff - exactly _what_ did she have to see this Other Guy for?

What were their 'plans'? What did they have to keep so secretive that Tohru would close her apartment door in Kyou's face with barely a goodbye? What made her smile so sweetly and take Yuki's hand like they were going to... going to...

Get _married_.

Were they?

Kyou didn't want to know.

* * *

_**Capheine says: **Mmm... a mediocre ending because I didn't know what else to leave it at._

_Blah, for those who have been following my writing carefully, you'll notice that my style of writing has changed with nearly each chapter. Sorry if the slight inconsistencies bother you, but my writing style changes with either my mood or the music that I'm listening to while I'm writing._

_For those who haven't noticed, continue in your ignorant bliss. _:D _But I'm not saying you aren't observant; perhaps I'm blowing this thing out of proportion._

_Thanks for reading!_

Sunday July 25, 2004


	8. The ABCs of Love

-- RomanceDOTcom --

**07: The ABCs of Love**

Wednesday, October, 20, 2004

_**Capheine says: **LYK OMJ, I'm posting another chapter!_

_All I can say is _finally_, finally I've gotten off my lazy butt and decided to put some thoughts into words. Finally things have calmed down enough. Finalement._

_I'm happy. You. Go. Be happy. Read._

_**(edit) **I'M SORRY! I reuploaded this chapter because formatting was being all funky on me, and I couldn't stand to look at it. Even if this is hypocrisy, I would like it if you read the rant that I've posted on my profile page. People will get angry at me, but that's the way it is._

* * *

Kyou sat in his cramped living room, drumming his fingers against his knee and staring at the open guitar case that sat in front of him. Should he bother trying to do this? Should he really even be thinking such blasphemous thoughts? 

Blasphemous. Kyou decided he liked that word and scribbled it down on the notepad beside his guitar.

After all, composing a song took a lot of words (certainly more than the solitary 'blasphemous'), but that wasn't the only thing that was occupying his thoughts.

Yesterday, he had come across a revelation. A revelation brought on to him by the timid request of the one, and the only, Tohru. Just yesterday, in awkwardness as usual, when Tohru had come to him with the strangest proposal.

"Kyou... I have this thing I have to do... and it's difficult you see. So I need to get... umm... it's weird, and I shouldn't be asking you this... but _will you go out on a pretend date with me_?"

She'd stuttered through most of it, slipped on a couple of words like a new skater on a freshly buttered ice rink covered in oil. Yep, Tohru was like that.

Kyou decided he had nothing to be afraid of. After all, hadn't they already 'gone out' on 'dates' before? Casual walks through the park, commenting on the good weather and making small talk while wasting the afternoon away. It's just what friends did. They hung out. But Kyou came across something important. Something so earth-shaking and utterly mad that perhaps he should have thought twice before he accepted her proposal.

What Kyou discovered (aside from the fact that he liked the word blasphemous), was that her asking made his heart beat a little faster and his face turn a frightening shade of red. This reaction, of course, was normal for a guy like him. Red-blooded and all, it was natural to be embarrassed around girls. But the strange thing was that it was _Tohru. _Nothing wrong with Tohru, of course, but... it wasn't just a _girl,_ it was _Tohru_. It wasn't just the heartbeat, it was the heart. Not just the face, but the feeling. The warmth and the beating of the heart that messed it up and made him...

He stayed staring at his open guitar case and notepad. He was thinking of something. Thinking of composing something for Tohru and he didn't know why. He didn't know why.

He checked his watch. It was 4 a.m. and there was only five more hours until his pretend date with Tohru. He figured that he might have needed some sleep tonight, but never really got around to it because he had spent the entire morning staring at his guitar. After all, there was nothing better to do, was there?

Was there anything better to do when he was in...

His living room, staring at his guitar and thinking of the one, the only, Tohru?

* * *

Nine o'clock came surprisingly quickly and Kyou had showed up at Tohru's door, being extremely punctual for once in his life. 

He didn't know what to wear for a trip to the carnival, and finally settled for a purple, pin-striped shirt composed entirely of unwanted wrinkles. It had really been the only 'casually formal' thing he owned (how he despised those ambiguous invitations), so he hoped that he was formal enough to be casual and casual enough to be formal.

The puzzling thought had left Kyou with his arm raised to ring the doorbell, though not yet rung, and it was then he realized how idiotic he must have looked just standing there pointing at the door. Kyou debated with himself for moments more. Should he let his arm drop down? Or should he ring the bell? After all, there was his wrinkled shirt to worry about... but the bouquet he held in his other hand didn't seem to enjoy the breeze. To ring, or not to ring?

He finally rang.

Kyou checked his watch. It was 9:02 and he cursed at himself for being late.

* * *

There was something about the word 'date'. That small, insignificant, four-letter-word that somehow changed a casual meeting of friends into something so earth-shakingly important that it was suddenly a make it or break it situation. Even the harmless, casual 'pretend date' was something that ye Gods would be observing closely, making sure that, no, you did not breathe too loudly, sip your drink too noisily and made all the right moves at all the right times. 

It was ridiculous to Kyou. This was Tohru, a friend who was... you know, a _friend_. She might have asked him out on a date, but that was no reason for him to be flustered and nervous.

Things had been going fine so far. Mildly romantic even, if Kyou let his heart get the better of him. But he couldn't get that jumpy feeling out of his chest, or that burning sensation off of his face.

It must have been the cotton candy. They had shared a large wad of the pink stuff at lunch, completely forgoing the mildly healthier hot dogs and fries. The sugar must have affected Kyou's brain somehow, because suddenly he had the extreme urge to hold Tohru's hand. Hold her hand and walk her around, squeezing her hand gently when a clown approached and 'Oh my goodness, I don't like clowns!' happened.

The sugar rush had obviously continued all the way to the roller coaster ride, for Kyou had actually gained enough courage to hold her hand all through the ride. (It was Tohru's first roller coaster, you see, and Kyou, being the great 'pretend' boyfriend that he was, felt that he should do something to show that he 'pretend' cared.)

He blamed it on the sugar.

It certainly had nothing to do with feelings. Pah, feelings, surely you jest.

"Kyou?"

"Mhm?"

"Do you... umm... this is stupid. Sorry, I'll shut up..."

"You know, when you start sentences, it would be good if you finished them instead of clamming up half way through. It starts things called 'conversations'."

"I-I'm sorry! I knew about conversations and things, but I wasn't sure if..."

"You can get to your point."

"Do you think we could hold hands?"

His fingers twitched and he walked a little faster. Perhaps he had heard wrong. He blamed it on the sugar. "What did you just say, Tohru?" he asked, getting to the point quickly and quite bluntly.

"M-me? I-I didn't really say _anything_, nothing important at least. Wow! Let's go on the carousel Kyou!" she piped up, hiding whatever question she had asked him beforehand.

Had it been anyone but Tohru, Kyou would have exploded and insisted on finding out her message. But seeing that it _was_ Tohru, he decided to let it go. He would make small allowances... just for her though. No one else but her.

Kyou was so caught up in his thoughts of her that he didn't realize that Tohru was practically dragging him by the hand toward the carousel. "Come on Kyou! Can we go on the carousel, please? I've always love the merry-go-round music! When we were little, Yuki and I used to come here all the time and 'race' with our horses," she said while laughing and still dragging Kyou.

Kyou smiled as well. He used to do something like that with Little Tohru when he was young. He'd always let her win simply because he hated to see her sad. He might've said something about that, but at that very moment Tohru squeezed his hand, and he snapped back out of his thoughts. That's when it hit him. _They had been holding hands for longer than five minutes._

Ye Gods! Five _whole_ minutes of looking like more than a 'pretend' couple going out on a 'pretend' date!

But the thought didn't bother him that much.

Which was odd.

Very odd.

The thought that bothered him, however, was _why?_ It had only occurred to him to ask her a few times throughout their day together, but when it did hit him to ask, it took a lot of restraint to keep himself from asking Tohru. _Why?_ Why take him out on a date? Why on a 'pretend' date? Didn't she like Kyou enough to at least call it a real date? Not that he cared or anything. No, he definitely didn't care. He was just... wondering. That was all. Just why?

He never asked though. It bugged him all evening, but he didn't bother to ask. The truth was, he was afraid of the answer. What if she was only being sympathetic? Or, worse yet, what if Yuki had _dared_ Tohru to take Kyou out on a date, just to see if she could stand an entire day with him? What if?

So he never asked. He stayed quiet and kept it to himself. What else was a guy supposed to do?

"Come on, Kyou!" Tohru exclaimed, patting the plastic saddle of the carousel horse beside her. "Ride on this one! We can race!"

Kyou laughed for the first time on this 'pretend' date, and Tohru laughed as well. He climbed up onto the ivory horse, and leaned forward, urging his fake horse onward, trying to beat Tohru to the finish line. Tohru looked equally as determined and by the time the carousel music started, they were acting like kids again.

Kyou remembered doing this with Little Tohru. He would always insist that she had won, just to make sure that she was happy, just to make sure that he didn't ruin her day. He decided (being the good 'pretend' boyfriend he was) that he would do the same for New Tohru. He didn't mind. As long as he kept her happy. As long as he could continue to see her smile.

Besides, _that_ was what made him the happiest.

* * *

Night had laid a blanket over the sky and the spectacular carnival was coming to a close. The sparkling lights of the rides still shimmered, but one by one, Kyou could see that they were shutting down and packing up. 

"_One last ride,"_ he had said. "_One last ride and we'll head home._" Tohru had agreed, of course, being as selfless as she was. They had walked over to their last ride, hand in hand (much to Kyou's embarrassment and, dare he say, pleasure?), Kyou draping his jacket over Tohru's shoulders. It was getting cold anyway. It was what any good boyfriend would have done.

And like any good boyfriend, Kyou had taken Tohru up to the highest place he could have, just so they could admire the sky and talk to one another. Or talk about the sky and admire one...

They were on the Ferris Wheel, slowly riding their way up in the small, barely lit caboose and tilting their heads back to take in as much sky as possible. Although it was chilly, it was still beautiful. Beautiful like a blanket, sofa and fireplace on a cold winter day. Like a night-time guitar serenade, outside with no one to hear it except, well, except...

"Thank you Kyou," Tohru said, nearly whispering.

He turned to look at her. She was still looking up at the sky, but that didn't make her look any less beautiful. There, he had said it. He thought she was beautiful. At first, the words refused to come out of his mouth, but on his second try he managed to say, "I think..." before clamming up again.

_I think you're beautiful._ He wanted to say it as much as he wanted to ask _Why?_ But the words wouldn't come out. But that was the way it worked, wasn't it? That's the way that lo-

"I should be the one thanking you," Kyou said, gruffly, before clearing his throat. "You're the one who asked me out on this 'pretend' date in the first place."

Tohru laughed at that - a small laugh, as if it was only meant for Kyou to hear. "But you're the one who made today so... special." She whispered the last word, again, like it was only for Kyou. Like her words were only for Kyou.

He could feel a hotness rushing to his face.

A teenager... he felt like a teenager again - with the crazed hormones and utter pandemonium for a heart. How could Tohru make him feel like this?

"I think you're beautiful," he murmured, so softly, too softly for anyone to hear. But the words were meant only for Tohru. Only for her ears and not even for the night, no matter how the stars twinkled and the moon glowed. Beautiful words meant for only the one beautiful woman that he...

* * *

The night had ended with a quiet drive home. A quiet entrance into Tohru's apartment building, and a quiet wait and ride up the elevator. They had said their goodbyes, quietly. So quiet, so silent, simply because Kyou was thinking of something. Something important. 

Tohru had walked away, and shut her front door, not rudely at all. The door closed with a click of 'good-night', but Kyou still stood there. He wondered plenty. Mostly about what would have happened had he given her a 'pretend kiss'. After all, this is what 'pretend dates' are all about right... just pretend?

_I think you're beautiful._

* * *

The next day... 

Kyou regularly checked the tabloids. As an artist, it was, for one, in his best interest to keep up with what were the current trends. Besides, it was fun to gawk at the outrageous stories tabloid writers came up from the smallest rumours and wonder how the good life would be for him.

However, this week's edition was special. It was special because there was a certain _rat_, a certain pansy-rat on the cover. Yuki. Kyou didn't know that Yuki was involved with tabloids, but obviously he had forgotten that Yuki was successful and therefore, Yuki _was_ society.

Damn that stupid pansy.

He sat on the patio of Neon and rifled through the magazine, searching for articles that had to do with Yuki. He didn't have to search far... the entire magazine seemed to be devoted to Yuki. Yuki's childhood stories, Yuki's love life, Yuki's success story... rich family blah blah blah money blah blah blah... Kyou didn't care about that. What he cared about was _why was Tohru on the front cover with Yuki?_

It was true. She was there. Standing almost directly beside him. Just there. Standing. With Yuki. On the front cover of the tabloid magazine.

Kyou started skimming through the first article; a large heading splashed 'Prince Yuki - His Big Announcement?' across the top. Big announcement? Not only did this shock Kyou... no, it didn't just shock him, it _worried _him. Imagine, three small words making it seem like the entire world was shutting down on him.

The Wedding March began playing in Kyou's head again, and he placed the heels of his hands against his forehead trying to make it stop. That stupid song should be reserved for only when someone was getting married. And no one was getting married. Because it didn't matter that Tohru was standing beside Yuki. It didn't matter that she was always giddy around him. It didn't matter, because weddings between pansies and sweet girls just didn't happen.

_"While Yuki failed to mention what all this hype was about, he did let slip that his upcoming party would end with an important announcement being made. We can only speculate about what this big announcement from our Prince should be... but insiders tell us that a church bells will soon be ringing..." _

Church bells and the Wedding March had no place in Kyou's thoughts. They had no place in his thoughts. But he couldn't get them out of his head. And sadly, in his imagination, he didn't play the part of Tohru's groom.

That damn pansy.

* * *

_**Capheine says: **My my... this is probably the fastest I've gotten a chapter written in a while. Heh, I could give you an entire list of excuses of why I don't write, but I'll save you the extra reading and just say I was lazy and had school. Psh, funny how real life gets in the way of writing, eh?_

_Thank you to those who still read this and review for staying so loyal. Thank you to those new reviewers, I'll be looking forward to seeing your comments! Overall thanks to those who took the time to read this in the first place._

_Wow, it sounds like this story is actually... psag ending! Fear not it's not going to end too soon. I've already gotten the next chapter written elbuod psag! It'll be posted soon._

_Constructive criticism is accepted; flames will be deleted if possible. Thanks for your time!_

Monday, November 15, 2004


	9. Difficult Questions

-- RomanceDOTcom --  
**09: Difficult Questions  
**Thursday, August 12, 2004

_**Capheine says: **Amazingly, my fandom for Furuba has finally waned. After a year of absolute worship, I am finally feeling less than enthusiastic about the latest Furuba happenings. Maybe the ending of summer vacation has just gotten me bummed… but let this at least be an explanation for my lack of quick updates and the like._

_---_

_Months later, I finally have completed this chapter. My apologies for the long wait, but school has begun and I have been lazy. The next chapter will take … well, probably less time. Hopefully. But I can't guarantee anything. The ending of this chapter was written fast, as I wanted to update as soon as possible (well… you know what I mean). I still hope you enjoy!_

* * *

"She isn't getting married!" Kyou sputtered to himself. "You haven't seen an engagement ring or any invitations or bouquet arrangements or white chiffon! Marriage just isn't something on Tohru's mind!" 

'_Yea, but she still giggles with that Yuki and she still closes the door on your face,'_ a voice inside his head argued back.

Kyou had been bent over, composing on sheets of personal guitar music, but now he straightened in his seat, forgetting that the only person he would or could angrily address was himself. Nevertheless, he glared at the wall absently and exclaimed in frustration, "She does that because she's… I mean, look at the guy he obviously has to be… It's just _not_ possible!" Kyou stewed moodily, crumpling the paper before him.

'_If it wasn't possible, you obviously wouldn't be talking to yourself like this.'_

As if on cue, a resident in the neighbouring unit banged against the wall. "Keep it down!" came a muffled cry. Kyou calmly flipped the bird at the wall and went back to work. This just wasn't happening. All the signs led obviously to marriage, but this was just way too… unreal. Tohru and marriage? That was like saying your neighbour was next Tuesday. It made _no sense._

He unfolded the sheet music and straightened it using the edge of the table. He needed these sheets. There was another reason why Tohru obviously couldn't be marrying that Yuki guy.

This song was for her.

Kyou had composed this song for the sole purpose of wooing Tohru and watching her eyes light up as he read the dedication. Because he liked seeing her smile at him. He liked her eyes and her smile and even the way she bit her lip in uncertainty. Because obviously… Because obviously…

Because _obviously_ Kyou loved her.

And that was the reason why she couldn't be doing this marriage business with Yuki. Because he loved her, damnit, and there was no way he could change that. He had even composed a song for her, and nothing that pretty boy Yuki could do could measure up with a song. Music came from the heart, didn't it? (Or at least that's what all the girls said; Kyou was pretty sure it just came from his head and out of his vocal chords). Sure, Yuki was a gentlemen and probably didn't curse like a sailor (like Kyou did), or fumble over his words (like Kyou did), or forget his manners (like Kyou did).

But Kyou had a _song_, damnit, and surely that made up for everything he lacked.

He stared down at the few notes that had been scribbled over the page. There were chords struck out here and there, making inky smudges over certain parts of the paper. It was good enough to win her though, wasn't it?

Music came right from the heart and Kyou loved her.

That would _have _to be enough.

He sighed and shuffled his papers together, then turned to his computer:

_**Mozart #13; **has signed on._

**Mozart #13; says: **Hey Tohru  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **Oh hi! I haven't talked to you online in a while  
**Mozart #13; says: **Yea I know…

He wondered if there was any other way for her to talk to him except online. They hadn't met before, they weren't planning to meet… Little Tohru confused him sometimes. And her screen name made her feel no better about his situation with New Tohru.

**Mozart #13; says: **So, what's with the name  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **I thought you of all people would know ;)

Uh-oh, she was being all weird again. Kyou hoped that she wouldn't start calling him… what had she been calling him? Yuni or Yuka or something? '_God, I'd go insane if she'd actually been calling me Yuki (that bastard), but I'm pretty sure it was Yuni or something.'_

**Mozart #13; says:** Humour me, I like detailed explanations  
**Mozart #13; says: **But don't get too wordy, or I'll get bored.  
**Mozart #13; says: **You know what, just ignore that and explain  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **Ooo-kay then… well someone close to me is getting married, isn't he ;)?  
**Mozart #13; says: **I suppose he is…

Crap, she _was_ getting all weird on him again. Time to switch the topic…

**Mozart #13; says: **So, what's happening with you?  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **Oh nothing much oO;;…  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **(Though I thought you of all people would know what I've been up to :P)  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **I've been pretty occupied with The Wedding Plans  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **But it hasn't been bothering me, it's actually been fun  
**Mozart #13; says: **That's great…

She was really determined on talking about her friend's wedding, wasn't she?

* * *

Yuki was sounding awfully odd and seemed like he was avoiding the topic of the approaching wedding. It was probably just the regular cold feet before the wedding thing that grooms go through. Tohru would need to talk him through this… 

**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **Are you feeling okay about this?  
**Mozart #13; says: **About what?  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **The wedding, of course!  
**Mozart #13; says: **I guess I'm feeling good about it… am I supposed to be feeling something here?  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **We-elllll…  
**Mozart #13; says: **Could we just drop this topic?  
**Mozart #13; says: **I don't want to talk about weddings and all that right now  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **Oh sure, fine, whatever

That was definitely peculiar. Yuki had always been enthusiastic about the wedding. And it hurt knowing that he didn't want to talk about it… Tohru had expected more out of him. It _had_ been him who had proposed this entire thing in the first place.

* * *

Finally they had stopped talking about her friend's wedding. It was beginning to grate on Kyou's nerves. After all, when the one you love might be getting married to the one you loathe, weddings aren't something you want to linger upon. 

**Mozart #13; says: **You sound miffed  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **Miffed? Why would I sound miffed? There's nothing to sound miffed about

Oh, she was definitely miffed.

**Mozart #13; says: **Did I do something wrong again?  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **No  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **If anything, it was probably me who did something wrong to get you so worked up about the  
wedding  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **For which I apologize

'For which I apologize'? What happened to the panicked, but unneeded, 'OMGsorry's that Kyou was so used to? She sounded so formal and so… cold. Just imagining this as a phone conversation made Kyou shiver - which was odd, because Kyou never really cared about upset women who cried crocodile tears. They made him uncomfortable, but he never really _cared._ This, however, was different…

**Mozart #13; says: **No, wait, I'm sorry  
**Mozart #13; says: **I didn't mean to get so annoyed about the wedding and its plans  
**Mozart #13; says: **It's just tough for me right now  
**Mozart #13; says: **Someone I really like… well, it's like she's leaving me  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **You don't have to tell me that  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **I already know what's happening  
**Mozart #13; says: **Oh?

There she was being all weird again. Sometimes Kyou was tempted to ask her about all these things she 'knew', like, pretend he had amnesia or something and needed everything explained to him. Little Tohru said strange things, and sometimes it was like she really _did _know. And there was a hint of suspicion kicking at the edge of his mind, probably screaming and tearing its hair out because Kyou was missing _something_. And he was tempted to ask her.

But he never did.

**Mozart #13; says: **It's late, I should be getting to bed  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **I guess I should be heading to bed now too  
**Mozart #13; says: **Good night then  
**((Holy Matrimony)) says: **Good night! Don't let the bed bugs bite!

_**((Holy Matrimony)) **has signed off._

_**Mozart #13; **has signed off._

But of course, Kyou didn't go to sleep. He turned back to his music, humming to himself and trying to get the inspiration for maybe just a few more verses or a touching melody. He worked into the hours of the morning when only the crickets sang and even the stray dog was fast asleep besides a tin of garbage. Kyou would glance, sometimes, at the framed picture of him and Tohru, running the race and laughing, maybe giggling, because they were only little at the time. And he thought to himself, '_Maybe I would love her if I didn't already love Tohru.' _It was a thought that would occur to him many times, just before he fell asleep and dreamt of a race and holding hands with a pretty brown-haired, blue-eyed girl.

If only he knew.

* * *

A doorbell rang somewhere far away and Kyou lifted his head to mumble a weak "Shut up, I'm trying to sleep…". The doorbell rang again; Kyou finally realized that, yes, it was _his_ doorbell and his head wasn't rested on his cushy pillow, but in an awkward position atop his hard, wooden desk. Needless to say, sleeping at a ninety-degree angle all night didn't do his posture or aching muscles any wonders. 

"I'm coming!" he shouted as loud as he could (which really, wasn't very loud at all).

Kyou shuffled towards the front door, wiping his mouth to check for morning drool and hoping he still looked presentable. Without bothering to check the peephole he opened the door and came face to face with the man of his nightmares.

Yuki.

That bastard.

"Yo," Kyou said, leaning against his door.

"Good morning to you too." Yuki raised an eyebrow. The expression on his face blasted 'look-what-the-cat-dragged-in' and made Kyou gnash his teeth.

"Good morning, Kyou!" came a voice from behind Yuki. Kyou brightened when he realized that Tohru was actually there too… but pansy-boy was obscuring her from view. He adjusted his position so that he could see her. Casually though. He didn't want to seem desperate.

"We're here to talk to you about an invitation," Tohru began. "Yuki's having a party on…" She stopped and looked up to Yuki, blushing. "I mean… Yuki, you should present this… it's - it's…"

Kyou didn't like the way Yuki made Tohru stutter - without even trying. And a party? What party? A birthday thing? Or maybe…

_A wedding announcement?_

Yuki handed him an ivory envelope, the word "Sohma" embossed in the front in fancy, golden script. "It's a party that I'm hosting for the 25th. Tohru felt that you should be invited. Perhaps you could also perform for us? She tells me you're quite the singer…" his voice trailed off when he realized that Kyou wasn't listening.

The invitation. Kyou was staring almost obsessively at the invitation. "Sohma?" he said, hesitant.

"Yes…" Yuki replied. "Is there something wrong with my last name?" he asked, chuckling.

"It's my last name too," Kyou snapped back.

It was kind of pathetic to say, but Kyou was very possessive of his last name. In the entertainment business, his unique name gave him a leg up from all the other schmoes in town. In his entire life, he had never met another Sohma except for family.

Except for family…

"I'm sure there are plenty of Sohma's in this city," Yuki said, his chuckle turning into a laugh. "In fact, I've met…" He trailed off again, and paused uncertainly. "The party is on the 25th," Yuki began again, completely ignoring the awkward silence after the last name confusion. "Would you be interested in performing? We'll pay you, of course, if that's what you were wondering."

Kyou was still stuck on them having the same last names and didn't like the light-hearted way Yuki continued. He waved the idea away, hoping that it was the appropriate thing to do. Around Yuki he always felt so… inferior. Tuck your shirt in, stand up straight, blah blah blah, and all that other blue-blooded, higher-than-thou stuff that Kyou didn't like to mess with. He had run away from his family, in fact, feeling that they had been too well-off for their own good. Yuki was pretty well-off too…

"Say… do you know a guy named Haru?" Kyou asked.

The problem was, Yuki asked the same question at nearly the exact same time too (but in considerably politer terms).

Oh crap.

* * *

"I honestly forgot that both of your last names were Sohma! What a coincidence that you two should be cousins!" Tohru exclaimed, yanking Kyou's hand and pulling him along the sidewalk. 

"Oh yea, it's terrific," Kyou muttered, half-heartedly following her along. '_Not only do I have to see this sweet girl get married to that bastard, but I'm related to him too!'_ he thought. '_I feel kinda guilty though, trying to steal my cousin's fiancée.'_

They were walking past an asphalt yard, which prompted Tohru to reminisce about 'the old times'. "In the schoolyard I feel so at home! Don't you too, Kyou? It reminds me so much of my old school," Tohru said. Kyou didn't want to admit that he wasn't paying attention, so he tried to nod whenever she paused. "You know Kyou, I didn't attend school around here. I actually went to…"

'_My own cousin,'_ Kyou thought again. '_Yuki, the pansy-I'm-so-great-look-at-me-be-perfect boy and I share blood with him. Why couldn't I have fallen in love with another girl? Anyone but Tohru…'_

Huh, yea right.

He looked again at Tohru. '_But it's like I'm doing them a favour. There's no real affection between them. They aren't all touchy-feely and schmuck. They're just… there.'_

He snapped out of his musings and realized that Tohru was looking at him strangely. "You know," Tohru said, "looking at you reminds me of someone I knew when I was younger. I've told you the story about how Yuki and I were childhood friends right?"

Kyou nodded, not really paying attention but wanting to please her anyway.

"Yes, Yuki and I used to be great friends," she continued. "But somehow, you remind me a lot more about Yuki than Yuki does, you know?"

Kyou paused long enough to shake his head. How in the world could Kyou remind her more of Yuki than Yuki did? She wasn't _implying_ something, was she? Horror of horrors, maybe Kyou was more of a prissy sissy than he thought!

"I just used to know this guy… he reminds me so much of you. But that guy is Yuki, you know?" Tohru mumbled. "It's so strange. Maybe I'm just getting you two confused now because you're related. I do that sometimes." She smiled apologetically. "I'm a very confused person."

"Don't say that," Kyou said. "You're not confused, you're just so wishy-washy and nice that everyone takes advantage of you and gets you confused. So it's not your fault."

Tohru continued to smile, but her eyes were wide and somewhat blank. She opened her mouth to speak of her confusion, but Kyou beat her to it. "I mean… you're good the way you are, okay? Don't change anything about you because… you're a really great and nice," he mumbled. "I've never met anyone like you."

Tohru looked at him and squeezed his hand just a little harder. "I've never met anyone like you either, Kyou."

Oh if they only knew.

* * *

The day before the engagement party featured yet another black out, and frankly, Kyou was getting extremely sick of all the bad luck he'd been having. 

The power outage had just cut Kyou off from use of his computer and therefore online communication with his bassist and drummer. There was a tricky part in Tohru's song he still hadn't mastered. Tohru was getting married to Yuki, a guy who Kyou absolutely hated, but, thank his oh-so-lucky stars, he was also cousins with. And to top it all off, his ice cream was now melting in the not-so-cold freezer.

Kyou was afraid to ask if anything to get any worse. For now, he was doing his best by staring at his desk. There really was nothing else to do but stare at his desk. So he did just that. Stare. At his desk.

The phone rang.

Kyou hurriedly snatched it up, snapping out of his desk-induced trance. "Hello?"

"Hi Kyou!" chirped Tohru on the other end. "I-I was just wondering… well, it's really stupid that I called anyway. I don't understand why I called in the first place because there's really no reason and I'm probably just wasting your time, but… actually, I'll probably just…"

"Just spit it out," Kyou said, trying not to sound harsh but knowing that he probably terrified her anyway. _'Oh yea, very smooth Kyou. You're like Romeo plus Elvis - minus all their charm, wit and lady-wooing abilites. Damn it.'_

"You're coming tomorrow, right?" Tohru rushed. Kyou swore he could hear her blushing, though he didn't know why.

"Of course I'm coming," he replied, confused. "I have to perform don't I? And you do want me to come, don't you?"

"Yes, yes! I want you to be there! Very much!" Tohru said, tripping over her words as she would over a bump on the sidewalk. "I was just making sure, because I wasn't that sure and I was just wondering and I _told _you that it was really stupid that I called you, but… I'll just end this call right now; I'm taking up too much of your time."

"No wait!" Kyou interrupted. "The power's out over here and I'm really doing nothing anyway. We could chat… if you want."

"Oh."  
"Yea."  
"So…"  
"Yep."

"I guess I'll see you at the wedding then," Tohru finally said, stringing nine whole words together.

"Yea. Thanks for the… conversation," Kyou replied.

"A-anytime. Bye…" Tohru stuttered.

"See ya."

Kyou rested his phone against its receiver. '_Well that was some stimulating conversation.' _He frowned. Conversation with Tohru wasn't usually so difficult. And what had made her sound so incredibly flustered? Her embarrassment wasn't usually so evident.

_"Yes, yes! I want you to be there! Very much!" _Her words made Kyou feel strange inside. Like the feeling you get after seeing something ridiculously heartwarming, but not wanting to admit it…

Warm and fuzzy! Yea, that's how Kyou felt. Warm and fuzzy inside.

'_Damn it, Tohru. Why do you insist on making me feel this way?' _He turned back to stare at his desk again, but the face of a certain someone was the only thing that occupied his gaze.

* * *

Everything was ready. The song was complete, practiced and extremely romantic; the bassist and drummer knew their bits; Kyou was confident and prepared and he was ready to steal his cousin's fiancée. 

It sounded so wrong.

But somehow it couldn't feel more right.

Kyou arrived at the address Tohru had scribbled down for him (President's Palace… huh, figures) with fifteen minutes to spare. It was a fairly large building (absolutely _perfect_ to host a wedding reception). Outside, the lawns had been mowed evenly and complex topiary lined the walk leading to the main doors (oh look, they even have a water fountain… damn).

Kyou hefted his guitar over his back and tried to stride confidently into the building. Almost unconsciously, he patted the left pocket of his pants, to make sure that a certain something was there.

He pushed through the front doors, and was immediately aware of the flurry of activity inside the building. Caterers brushed past him with trays covered in Saran wrap. Severe-looking women in lethal high heels clacked past him, speaking rapidly into miniature cell phones. Early guests milled around, careful not to bump into a caterer and spill champagne or hors d'oeuvres on their Paris creations. The hallway was large and tiled in marble, but Kyou couldn't help but feel claustrophobic. There were just so many people.

He slipped his way through the crowd towards what seemed to be the reception hall. The doors were large panes of frosted glass, and through them he could already see the blurry outlines of tables and people in suits and dresses. Suddenly he felt very out-of-place in his maroon dress shirt and black pants, guitar still haphazardly slung across his back. He cautiously strode inside and welcomed the much needed space.

People here seemed to be very close friends of Yuki and Tohru. Perhaps he shouldn't have been here. He searched the room for anyone familiar and was aware of Yuki and a brown-haired girl to his right. For a moment he had assumed that it was Tohru, but this brown-haired woman had a different hairstyle and wasn't the same height as Tohru. The girl was talking in seemingly hushed tones to Yuki and they were both blushing profusely. '_Hunh, probably an ex-girlfriend,'_ thought Kyou, as he threaded his way through the tables.

Kyou approached the stage that had been set up against the left wall of the large room. He was climbing up the small flight of stairs to the stage when he noticed that there was someone actually seated behind the piano. Quietly he approached the mystery person and noticed it was an extremely pretty girl; a fantasy in ivory. She was playing to herself mostly, and Kyou could hear her softly singing to herself. It was a relatively simple melody, sad and beautiful, like most of the piano songs that girls like to play.

"Um, excuse me?" he asked, as kindly as possible. He didn't want to scare her. "Do you know where I'm supposed to set up? I'm performing at this event."

"Oh Kyou!" exclaimed the girl.

Wait…

"Tohru?" Kyou asked, surprised. "You look… you look nice. I nearly didn't recognize you."

"Oh," Tohru said, looking away and blushing slightly. "Yuki bought me the dress because I didn't have anything else to wear. Money's been tight because of the funeral and college and stuff… I've said too much and I'm blabbering again. I should really go now, yes, I think I'll go right now."

Tohru gathered her dress and stood up, ready to depart from the stage. "Wait!" Kyou said, grabbing her hand. "I still need to find out where to set up." '_And I have something to give you…'_ he thought to himself.

Tohru seemed to be more interested in their hands than telling Kyou where to set his things. Kyou let go - it seemed to be making her uncomfortable; she was blushing more than before. "J-just here is fine," she stuttered, wringing her hands together. "Your bassist and drummer are coming too right? They'll be able to find their way around; we have security outside to direct people. Just… umm… set up here… on stage. And that'll be good."

"Just here?" Kyou asked, setting his guitar down.

"Yes, just here," Tohru said, finally looking him in the eye. "The microphone and electrical stuff are already pretty much done. You can tune your guitar and then just mingle, I suppose. I heard from Yuki that you have a lot of relatives who are interested in seeing you," she added, smiling.

"R-relatives?!" Kyou exclaimed.

She nodded, still smiling. Kyou had thought that one Yuki had been bad enough… what if there were more?

Tohru gathered her dress again, but Kyou stopped her before she could leave. He took something out from his pants pocket and gingerly presented it to her. "Umm…" he stuttered, holding out a chain. "It's a necklace that I just had from a long time ago." It sparkled in the spotlight; a small triangular crystal on a silver chain. "I want you to have it."

Tohru looked crestfallen. "I'm really sorry Kyou, but I'm already wearing a necklace," she said, pulling out another silver chain from behind her collar - it had a small cross pendant. "Yuki gave it to me just before I got here… I'm really sorry."

"Oh, no, that's okay," Kyou blanched. "Here… umm… take it anyway, I still want you to have it." He placed it in the palm of her hand and folded her fingers over it. "Just keep it."

Tohru looked at her closed fist, and back at Kyou. She seemed hesitant to leave, and Kyou could see that she was debating something in her head. "So, umm, good luck with the performance, Kyou," she said. She pecked him on the cheek and stepped down from the stage. "I'll be seeing you," she added, with a small wave, smiling and blushing.

Tohru departed and Kyou was left, quite dumbfounded, on the stage. He desperately hoped that no one had seen it. Okay, maybe not. He wished that he could capture that moment and stuff it in Yuki's face. Replay it and rewind, replay it and rewind.

Kyou cleared his throat for no reason in particular, and began to tune his guitar. Perhaps he didn't need a song after all.

* * *

The evening had passed uneventfully, and people seemed to be more anxious about the big announcement that Yuki had to make at the end of the night than they were enjoying the party. Not that there wasn't anything to be enjoyed. There had been dinner and dancing, and people seemed to be enjoying themselves. They were just anxious. Very anxious. 

Kyou kept to himself mostly. His bassist and drummer had arrived. They had their own small table near the stage, and would politely applaud as another performer finished their piece. Past the piano-playing child prodigy. Past the aria performed by a mildly famous soprano. Kyou and his small ensemble had been slotted as the last performance.

Kyou had been arguing with himself all evening. After all, what was he to do when stealing the fiancée of a relative? How could he explain himself? '_Oh, I just felt like it one day, so I just did?'_ It was ridiculous! Preposterous! But he couldn't help that he loved her. He really, really loved her. He was just too chicken to admit it.

He remembered that night on the bridge, and when he had caught her. How relieved he was that he had been on time to save her. He remembered the conversations he had had with the photo of Little Tohru, asking her what he should do about New Tohru. He remembered a lot of things. But mostly, he remembered how much he loved her.

Damn.

He was still remembering his love for her when the emcee announced him and his band's name.  
He was still remembering his love for her when they marched up onto the stage.  
Still remembering as they fiddled with their instruments, warming up.  
Still remembering as he presented the name of his song.  
Still remembering as he named the dedi-  
Still remembering as he watched Tohru and Yuki _walk out of the room_.

Oh, and still remembering his love as he abandoned the stage and left his bassist and drummer in complete and utter unmelody.

* * *

Kyou wasn't paying attention to anything. He noticed that his drummer had approached the main microphone and apologized to the crowd, who seemed that they could care less. Kyou waved back, saying that he just needed five minutes to do something. The bassist and drummer shrugged, and began practicing for the song. 

He wasn't paying attention, because he was focusing completely on forcing himself not to run after them. Not to run and grab Tohru from Yuki, who, suddenly, seemed too close to just be friends. Too close for this night not to be a wedding announcement. Too close for a girl who Kyou, and only Kyou, should love.

Two men were approaching Kyou now, but he couldn't have cared less. They were probably going to ask him to get back on stage, but he had no time for such petty things now. He had to get Tohru away from Yuki, before he did something evil like, you know, _propose _or something. The men stopped in front of Kyou's path. "So you're Kyou? Wow! You've grown up to be so big! Wouldn't you agree, my Aya?"

"Oh certainly Gure! So tall… and _handsome_," the other man said, playfully elbowing the other in the ribs.

"Could you _please_ get out of my way?" Kyou asked, trying to keep his temper under check.

"Quite a hot headed one too!" the black-haired one exclaimed. "It matches the colour of his hair so perfectly!"

"Indeed! I think I also have the _per_-fect outfit to go with those lovely locks of yours, Kyou," the silver-tressed one said.

A third man approached the other two, and herded them out of Kyou's way, who was ready to punch the lights out of both of them. "I'm sorry if they're bothering you," he said, monotonous. "They've probably had too much punch."

"Oh Hatori, we haven't had any punch!"

"Just water! We're high on _love_!"

Dear God.

Kyou stomped past the trio and allowed himself to run. _'Damn damn damn, I'm too late, I'm too late.'_ He raced past the tables and into the hallway where Tohru and Yuki had gone. The marble halls were now nearly empty, and the echo of his footsteps glanced off the walls. Where were they?

He could hear some mumbling behind one particular door…

He burst into the room and brazenly swept Tohru off her feet. She let out a small gasp before Kyou threw her into a kiss.

That's how it would have gone if he wasn't acting like such a wussy.

Instead Kyou collapsed against he doorway and pressed his ear against the thin, but expensive wood. He listened intently, trying to catch every muffled word he could.

It was strange how four muted words could destroy his world.

"Will you marry me?"

Bastard.

So that was that. That was _it._

Kyou pounded his fist against the doorway.

He had lost her.

So he ran.

* * *

_**Capheine says: **So yep. I've finally finished writing the chapter! I'm so happy! After two months of not updating, I'm finally able to post! If you are disappointed, I must urge you to keep reading. Hopefully you will be less disappointed._

_Haha, not much else to say. I've come up with another plot that I really want to write up, but it will probably have to wait. Don't kill me, but it'll probably be Yukiru. You may protest, but hey, I'll take it all with a grain of salt. Yukiru was my first love (as was Yuki) and the plot wouldn't work with Kyou's temper. Sorry Kyou, my love._

_---_

_If you actually check, this chapter was completed about a month before the previous chapter. Just a little tidbit you might want to keep in mind in case something's messed up. If there is something wrong with the story, just tell me (e-mail or review). Lyk omj kthnx._

Thursday, October 14, 2004


	10. So This Is Love

-- RomanceDOTcom --  
**10: So This Is Love  
**Friday, November 19, 2004

_**Capheine says: **I'm trying to get these chapters written before I'm swallowed up by the eternal homework pit of doom. Yarr, wish me luck and happy reading!_

_**Disclaimers dictate: **… hey, didn't I say that I was going to get rid of these? Ahh well. Fruits Basket in all its gooey, plot-twisting, character-developing goodness is not mine. It belongs to suspense genius Natsuki Takaya._

* * *

"Will you marry me?" 

Tohru was absolutely giddy; tears were running down her face and her mouth was bent in the most ridiculous smile. She had to take a few moments to catch her school-girlish breath before she could reply.Even then she stuttered through what she had to say, giggles escaping and peeking out between random words.

"Oh Yuki…"

She couldn't stop herself from smiling. It was just too… too…

"That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard! Kagura will definitely say yes!"

Yuki had finished reciting his marriage proposal to Tohru; he would later present it to his love, Kagura. The tabloids would certainly get the big announcement that they were anticipating. "You think? I thought that…" he began.

Suddenly there was a large crash at the doorway of the small room they were sitting in. Tohru wiped her face of tears while rushing over to see what the commotion was about; Yuki followed hesitantly, expecting paparazzi to spill into the room at any moment. What would Kagura think if she saw pictures of Yuki and Tohru splashed across the front page of every gossip magazine?

But when Tohru opened the door there were no such photographers… in fact, the hallway was quite empty. White marble, white light - but there was a certain red-haired man walking quickly towards the front doors.

His pace was agitated and at the last moment he looked back to see Tohru and Yuki staring at him from afar.

Kyou.

Had he heard them…?

The look on his face was a mix of several emotions. Anger, disbelief… hurt. Mostly hurt. Tohru could see the pain behind his eyes, the way his eyebrows sat in a straight line and the way his hair was messier than usual. He looked… he looked…

He looked just like Yuki when he had found Kagura was leaving.

But Kyou? Why would Kyou have any reason to feel…

He turned around again, slamming through the doors and sending a swirl of cool summer air into the building. The breeze chilled Tohru, and suddenly she was able to put two and two together. She understood what he was running away from. The very thought froze her heart more completely than any winter wind ever would. "Oh no…" she whispered.

Her Kyou.

* * *

The phone rang endlessly on the line, but Kyou never picked up. Tohru punched in his number more frantically each time; she was desperate to explain. She just _had _to explain to him what he had seen, what he had heard. 

The night before, she had chased after Kyou, hoping that he wouldn't leave without at least waiting for an explanation. But by the time she had gotten outside, he had already started his motorcycle and zoomed away. He had left his guitar, his music…

Oh, _his music_. That song… it was so beautiful. Enchanting. She couldn't read music, but she could certainly read words - and what he had written was simply heart-breaking. Heart-breaking because of the circumstances, because of the situation. Why did she leave at the exact moment that Kyou was going to present it? Why did he have to follow her?

(Because he loves you.)

Tohru was disappointed - in herself, about the circumstances. Had anything else happened, things would have been different and she wouldn't need to continue calling Kyou, waiting and hoping for him _to pick up_.

She had had one entire sleepless night to think about it. She remembered how giddy she had been when Yuki presented her with the idea of proposing to Kagura. It was a perfect fairytale romance. When Yuki proposed, Kagura would _of course_ accept, because it was so obvious that the two were so infatuated with one another.

Yuki had asked for Tohru's opinion on things; about what would be the best way to tell the world, the best way to surprise Kagura. She had been so wrapped up in organizing the wedding, she didn't even think about how Kyou would see it.

All too well Tohru remembered how she had closed the door on his face, simply because she wanted to discuss the wedding plans with Yuki. All too well did she remember the number of times Kyou had seen her laughing with Yuki. All too well.

She punched in his number again, but as always, she simply got his answering machine. The recorded message on the machine was mechanic, and didn't even spare Tohru the luxury of hearing Kyou's voice.

Why couldn't he pick up the phone? Why couldn't he have just… just…

Just seen that she loved him too?

Because it was obvious wasn't it? She had only taken him on a 'pretend' date because putting 'pretend' in front of that accursed word made it seem much less threatening. So that if it was a complete disaster - she was worried her clumsiness would ruin everything - she could at least brush it off and hope to put it in her past. And all those times they spent walking through those parks… all those rose petals and cherubs…

The phone clicked again, and the answering machine began its automated message.

Time for drastic measures.

* * *

Late in the afternoon, Tohru had finally gained enough courage to approach Kyou in a more drastic way. She hesitantly climbed the stairs to his narrow townhouse residence, completely aware of every timid step that shuffled against the stone. 

What was she doing here?

Of course, she knew what she was doing here. She was trying to explain things to Kyou, trying to get him to understand that she _did_ love him. But really, what was she doing here? For explanations certainly, but she couldn't help but feel a little ridiculous, debating to herself in her head whether or not she should ring his doorbell.

But no, she must.

But she couldn't help but be a little scared.

Only a little.

Really,only a little.

She stood on his front step, kind of just staring at the door, waiting for it to magically open and for Kyou to sweep her into his arms. Maybe if she concentrated hard enough, it would come true.

Tohru knew she was only stalling for time. She knew she couldn't stay staring at the door forever. And she also knew that if she wrung her hands anymore, or chewed her lip any further, she'd probably start bleeding. '_So why don't you just do it? Why don't you just ring that doorbell and ask for his forgiveness?'_

Because she was scared.

She was scared out of her mind that he would open that door and slam it in her face. She was scared that he would yell at her, and rant and rave, _and then_ slam the door in her face. She was afraid that he would take one look her, _one_ and only _one _look, and be so disgusted that he would just… just… somehow disappear off the face of the earth simply because he was so angry!

She was _terrified._

Because _what if_? What if he _was_ that angry? What if he _didn't forgive her?_

What would she do then?

What could she do then?

Because she was just so in love with him. And to see his face contort in that sort of disgust would be absolutely heart-breaking. More heart-breaking than the song he wrote, or seeing the expression on his face before he ran out the door.

Tohru was _in love_. And maybe that's what made her hesitate. Maybe that's what made her stop to catch her breath before she could do anything, and just stay standing, staring at Kyou's front door.

And then the door magically opened.

_It opened._

And then there was Kyou. Disheveled and in a navy blue bathrobe, but still Kyou.

They stared at one another for a few moments.

Then Kyou closed the door.

* * *

It was happening all wrong. Kyou wasn't _supposed_ to close that door. He wasn't _supposed_ to turn his back on her. He was supposed to stay there, waiting for an explanation while looking ever-so hopeful that Tohru's words would make the world all right. Kyou was supposed to leave that door open, open so that she could get a word in edge-wise before he could start ranting. 

It wasn't supposed to happen _this _way. And since it wasn't supposed to happen this way, Tohru wasn't ready to give up just yet. She may have been scared, but that didn't mean that she couldn't be brave too.

"Kyou, I have to tell you something!" she yelled through the doorway. "It's something important, and you need to know!"

There was no answer, and Tohru could hear what seemed to be loud rock music coming through the door. "Kyou, open the door, please!" she pleaded, desperate now. He was drowning out her words with his music.

The music got even louder, bass pumping a steady pulse that Tohru could feel under her feet. "I'm not getting married!" she screamed. "I'm not getting married to Yuki! Kyou, please listen to me! I love you! I love _you!_"

She was surprised how hoarse her voice suddenly sounded. She was also surprised by the tears that had magically sprung from her eyes. It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

She waited. Tohru was waiting, and she was going to count to ten… okay, maybe twenty, before she gave up on him. Twenty seconds, she could wait. Okay, maybe even a minute. Perhaps even five. Perhaps the entire night, she would stay standing and listening to the awfully loud music Kyou was pumping through the doorway.

But she didn't.

She counted her twenty seconds, and took one last look at the door. Gingerly, she removed her necklace - the one that Kyou had given her on that fateful night - and placed it on his doorstep. Because she loved him. She loved him even if she was terrified, and she could continue loving him until… until the seconds of eternity were up.

But today, and only today, she didn't have eternity to spend. She didn't have an eternity to cry these stupid tears, while waiting on the doorstep. Besides, people were beginning to stare.

Today, she'd have to make a promise by leaving him this necklace and counting to twenty. Twenty more seconds and maybe he would open that door again.

… nineteen, nineteen and four-sevenths, and nine-tenths, and… and…

Twenty.

The music was still playing, bass blaring, ground shaking, (heart-breaking) when Tohru turned on her heel, and slowly walked down those stairs.

So this is love.

* * *

Kyou opened his door in time to see Tohru turning around the corner. She had finally given up. He thought she was never going to leave. 

It was embarrassing to be seen like this. Looking stupid with his hair messed up and only in a bathrobe! A _bathrobe! _How could he ever look her in the face knowing that she was probably looking back and thinking, "Ew… _this _is the reason why I'm getting married to Yuki instead of this hopeless vagabond Kyou."

More or less the same terms.

There was more reason than that of course. Kyou had seen the endless number of times that Tohru had called him. He had heard her sweet, sweet voice on the other end of the answering machine, pleading for him to pick up the phone because she had something '_really, really, really important… like really, really_' to tell him. He had been tempted more than once, naturally, to pick up the phone and swallow any stupid explanation she had to give him on why she was marrying his stupid pansy-cousin.

But temptation was horrible to give into. Temptation had destroyed many men before him. No matter how sweet Tohru was, if Kyou gave in now, he would have to live with the fact that he had _accepted_ the marriage between the pansy-boy and Tohru. At least now he could live in denial.

…

Who was he kidding?

He had opened his front door, and was now looking around, glancing across the street and challenging the rare passerby to peek at him for longer than two seconds. The marriage was all too real and true. Tohru had chosen pansy-boy over Kyou and he would have to accept the fact sooner or later.

It was painful though. The kind of painful that stays with you. Not only were his ears ringing (maybe he shouldn't have turned that music up so high…), but there was this sort of pain in his chest that he knew had to be heartache or something like that.

This being in love really sucked sometimes.

The glint of something metallic caught Kyou's gaze, and he looked down to see a pendant and chain resting on his doorstep. It was the necklace he had given Tohru. And then afterwards she had thanked him and kis-

So first she decided to break his heart, and now she was going to mock him with his feelings?

All this ridiculous pain and she chose to come back and slap him across the face a second time? She chose to say, "Hey Kyou, I'm getting married to your prissy-assed cousin, so here's the one thing you thought I would cherish for forever and always. I don't need it anymore because I hate you." More or less the same terms. Okay, she wouldn't say that _at all_, but geez, why'd she leave him this?

Sometimes he wondered why he loved her.

Okay, no he didn't.

* * *

Tohru could imagine how she looked walking home. She probably looked like a stray cow, plodding along hopelessly and disguising itself as a brown-haired girl. A really big, stupid, ugly, hopeless cow. 

The traffic lights were blinking again; there had been another power outage. Why couldn't the outage have occurred earlier, when Tohru was trying to confess to Kyou, so that he couldn't play his music? In fact, why couldn't Tohru have been telepathic instead, and sent her message to Kyou via brain waves? Why couldn't she have superpowers and be strong enough to fly over there and lift off Kyou's roof and make him understand that…

She settled for checking her mail (the only thing a big, stupid, ugly, hopeless cow like herself could do).

She was hopeless and at a loss. She wanted Kyou back, but without superpowers… without her heart filled to the brim with joy and absolute pleasure of being around him, what could she do?

She could check her mail.

Rifling through the bills and ads, she found one interesting letter from Yuki. Tearing one side of the envelope, she pulled out the note and read, "About your new job…"

Oh how she wished she had superpowers.

* * *

_**Capheine says: **Yay! Complete chapter! Yay! _

_---_

_Bah... for a little while, I thought I had lost the floppy disk where I saved all my work. I nearly went out of my mind searching for it. Turns out my sister had tucked it in-between the pages of her math textbook. Gargh. Well, the eleventh chapter is being worked on, but because of the holidays and holiday homework (bah), I probably won't be updating anytime too soon. Happy holidays!_

Thursday, December 02, 2004


	11. Fool Me Twice

-- RomanceDOTcom--  
**11: Fool Me Twice (Shame On Me)  
**Friday, December 03, 2004

_**Capheine says: **Yay for days off from school! That means more time for writing! Thank you to the loyal readers who have stuck with this ridiculously long story and reviewed (Dear Lord, I checked out one of Alexandra-Kyoko's story today… 1000 reviews! ONE-FREAKING-THOUSAND… D: I don't read her fics though… I think it's out of spite XD, nah, I just don't have enough time)._

_Thanks again, and happy reading!_

_**Disclaimers: **Bah. I disclaim._

* * *

_**The End #13; **has signed on.  
__**(( I'm An Astronaut ))** has signed on._

**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **An unhappy morning to you  
**The End #13; says: **I'm guessing things aren't going too well for you?  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **I suppose it could get worse  
**The End #13; says:** Look at you, still being all optimistic  
**The End #13; says: **Today marks the day after the unhappiest day of my life  
**The End #13; says: **(Try saying that three times quickly)  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **After all the excitement has died down, I guess you have reason to be unhappy  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **Although, no offense, I think I have it much worse than you  
**The End #13; says: **Sorry if I depressed you further  
**The End #13; says: **But I'll argue with you that I'm having a much worse day than you are  
**The End #13; says: **What's got you so down anyway?  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **Well, you know I'm leaving  
**The End #13; says: **You are?  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **Don't be silly, of course you know I'm leaving  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **You're the one who got me this new job… I'm at the airport right now (thanks for the taxi and  
laptop, btw)  
**The End #13; says: **Taxi? Laptop? New job? Those are luxuries I can hardly afford  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says:** You're so funny sometimes  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **But if you're trying to cheer me up… it's probably not going to work  
**The End #13; says: **Suuuure… trying to cheer you up…  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **I guess in a way this new job is just an excuse to get away from this place  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **I don't think I could stand staying here with him so close  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **He must be so angry with me…

Kyou wondered who could ever be so angry with Tohru, but he knew instinctively that this was one of those girly situations which guys could never understand. Besides, he was too busy being heartbroken to even think about comforting anyone else but himself.

In a way though, Little Tohru's confession about moving away stung his heart even further. First, New Tohru was getting married to a traitorous relative, and now even Little Tohru was abandoning him. It was like God had called for a 'Leave Kyou Day' and forgotten to tell him about it.

**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **I'm connected to a port at the airport right now, but when I move to my new place, I won't have Internet  
**The End #13; says: **Point being?  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says:** Well I won't be able to talk to you… unless you want to pay really expensive phone bills  
**The End #13; says: **Oh… I see  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **Could I snail mail you then? It'll take longer, but I guess we'll still be able to talk to one another  
**The End #13; says:** You know, you could just stay here and keep talking online  
**The End #13; says: **Less hassle  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **Heh, a tempting proposal  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says:** But I've already made up my mind…  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **I told you, it'll be too painful to stay here  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says:** Sorry for bringing it up so many times

'_Painful to stay here for her maybe_,' Kyou thought to himself, '_but if she leaves, it'll be even worse for me. I really bet that God did call that "Leave Kyou Day"… things are just too horrible to be real.'_

But snail mail didn't seem to be too bad of an idea. And at least Little Tohru was leaving him because of a new job, instead of getting hitched to a pansy blue-blood.

**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **So… could I ask you for your mailing address?  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says:** Yuki Sohma… something something something…?

Despite himself, Kyou chuckled at the fact that Little Tohru called him Yuki. She'd obviously been reading too many tabloids lately. Which reminded Kyou that he needed to update himself on the latest gossip events… or not. There would probably be some mention in the magazines about Yuki and New Tohru's m-a-r-r-i-a-g-e… and he didn't need to remind himself about that horrible story.

**The End #13; says:** Haha, you're getting my confused with my cousin  
**The End #13; says: **If I were as rich as Yuki, I wouldn't be sitting in this dump of a townhouse right now  
**The End #13; says: **You can mail me at 'Kyou Sohma, 1004 Silver Blaze Road, 0026LRT'  
**The End #13; says: **Think I could have your mailing address, in case I get bored?

Kyou allowed Little Tohru a couple of moments to copy down his address, but when she didn't reply (for more moments than he allowed), he began to get impatient. How long did it take her to copy down one address?

**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **…  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **Kyou Sohma?  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **You're not pulling my leg or anything…  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **Because Yuki, I'd be so angry with you if you were  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says:** You know how I feel about him… you know already…  
**The End #13; says:** You're so strange  
**The End #13; says:** Of course my name is Kyou  
**The End #13; says:** What have I been telling you all this time before?

It was back to the fruitless debate they had gone over so many times before. How many times would Kyou need to tell Little Tohru that his name was Kyou before she registered and remembered that it was him?

**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says:** Kyou? Kyou it's me!  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **It's me! It's Tohru!  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **Tohru Honda!

Tohru Honda? As in _New_ Tohru? As in _not Little_ Tohru? Wait… Little Tohru and New Tohru were the same freaking person?! But that made no sense! It couldn't be simply because the world wasn't a cube and the universe didn't revolve around the earth. Because babies didn't recite Shakespearean poetry the moment they were conceived, and you didn't find chess-playing dogs on every corner of the street.

Little Tohru couldn't be New Tohru simply because… because it would have meant that Kyou had been a stupid ignoramus for the better part of the past year! It would have meant that Kyou had fallen in love with the same girl _twice_. The same girl who had captivated him when they were so young and captivated him again when he was older (but obviously no less ignorant).

Dear God.

**The End #13; says: **Tohru?  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says: **I desperately need to tell you something!  
**(( I'm An Astronaut )) says:** I'm… I'm… well… now I feel so stupid! I'm

The screen blipped into blackness and the rest of Kyou's cramped house also seemed to darken.

A power outage.

A POWER OUTAGE NOW?!

"No! No! Computer, on! Turn on, damnit! Turn _on!_" Kyou pressed the restart button frantically.

Screw temptation and whatever, if Tohru wanted to tell him something so badly that she would call him twenty million times, visit his house _and_ reveal to him _finally_ that she was both Tohru's at the same time, then he was willing to listen.

He felt so stupid! He had fallen in love with the same girl twice, and had never even noticed! How could he ever have done something like that without ever realizing that they _both_ had brown hair, _both_ apologized needlessly, and _both_ had childhood friends who happened to resemble Kyou? Heck, they _were_ Kyou!

He could see it now… Little Tohru (no just _Tohru_ damnit, because they're both the same person) would be sitting with her laptop, dumbfounded by the fact that Kyou had just signed off. She would think that he was angrier than he really was, and wasn't interested in what she had to say at the least. She would get on that plane to who-knows-where and disappear into the depths of some mystery, urban jungle, never to return again.

G'day mate, to you too.

Kyou had to get to the airport. He had to get there, he had to get there now.

He grabbed the frame off the top of his computer monitor. It was the frame that held the one picture he had of Tohru and himself, running together when they were kids. Proof that he was the Kyou that Tohru cherished. He continued racing through the rooms of his house, awkwardly trying to pull on proper clothes and stubbing his toes on miscellaneous things multiple times. But that didn't matter. He struggled to slip his arms into the sleeves of his jacket, and threw open the door, barely closing it behind him before hopping onto his motorcycle.

Snapping on his helmet, he revved up the engine and sent back a cloud of dust behind him that could have qualified as a sandstorm in the Sahara. He turned onto the road without even bothering to signal, a cacophony of car horns beeping behind him.

Left, right, left, right - Kyou was aware of the fact that he was swerving dangerously through traffic. Another sharp left and another quick right - some cars got too close for comfort and more than once Kyou had to make a last minute swerve to one side to avoid another vehicle, but it didn't matter. The blurs that whizzed past his gaze were only people, only cars and only trees and park benches. They didn't matter to him as much as Tohru did. And evidently, his life didn't matter to him as much as she did either.

He gripped the handlebars tighter and willed himself to go faster - his life didn't matter without her.

* * *

Against all odds it seemed, he got there. Kyou was finally at the airport and he had parked his motorcycle haphazardly between two cars, miraculously denting neither of them.

He was running now, still dodging cars and hearing his own footsteps pound against the concrete of the covered parking area. The transparent doors of the departure's wing glided endlessly open and shut, but even then they seemed to move too slowly for Kyou's liking.

Moments mattered. Seconds mattered and Kyou didn't have an endless supply of time oozing out of his pockets. He needed to get to Tohru now.

He was sprinting past travelers now, newly landed individuals eager to see the world. Kyou was eager to see the world too. His world. His Tohru.

Naturally.

_'Someone tell me where she is… where would she be? Where is she leaving to? Where!?'_ Kyou was frantic. He had no idea where Tohru was headed, and without that vital information, finding her in this haystack of an airport would be virtually impossible. What he needed was a hint, some sort of hint that would tell him where Tohru was and where he could find…

"Tohru Honda, Miss Tohru Honda of Flight 347 to Vancouver, Canada. Miss Tohru Honda on Flight 347 to Vancouver, Canada. Last call to Gate 3H, your plane is waiting," the overhead speaker announced.

Suddenly, Kyou couldn't help but appreciate the mechanic voice of the announcer and the static '_click'_ of the announcement end. He just couldn't help but appreciate it.

But now was not the time for appreciation. He needed to get to Gate 3H as soon as possible and get his world back. He took a quick glance at the picture frame in his hand. The small Tohru in the photo was smiling at him, as if urging him to run faster, faster… hold my hand and run faster.

Of course he had to. He had called her beautiful. He had written songs about her. Maybe he had ignored her and she had thrown away her necklace, but still… but still he had to love her.

Kyou was sprinting again, pushing others aside like pieces of baggage, and pushing pieces of baggage aside like others. He had started running at Gate 4C; surely he could make it in time! (Why, he was only one number and four letters away.) His heart was nearly bursting with ridiculous emotions, because he _knew _that he could make it on time.

Already, he was conjuring up ways to take Tohru back into his arms. Regardless of whether she was getting married, he didn't care. Courage help him, he knew he would steal her away. Because, in a way, hadn't Tohru already admitted that she loved Kyou? Otherwise why would she have placed that lily in his hair? Why would she have blushed or stuttered? Or given him that kiss? Yuki may have been rich, but Kyou was in love and he was pretty sure, now at least, that Tohru was in love as well.

_With him_.

He was still running. He still hadn't seen Tohru, but perhaps she hadn't left just yet. She'd need time to pack up her laptop, she'd need time to scramble for her ticket…

It was picture perfect in Kyou's eyes. He would catch her just as she was boarding the plane. She would be crying of course, because it just seemed like something she would do. She'd be apologizing to the attendant for holding up the flight, and still fumbling to get that plane ticket, tears down her face, but she'd still be _there._

His strides were filled with happiness now, if that was possible. So much energy in his legs and he was nearly sure that he could see her now. A certain brown-haired girl, fumbling for her ticket and with tears down her face. His brown-haired girl; his Tohru.

And finally… Gate 5H.

That's when Kyou realized he was _running the wrong direction_.

* * *

The. Other. Damn. Way.

"Sir, we'll have to ask you to stop here. The plane is already preparing to take off, and you don't have a ticket."

"You don't understand! I need to get on that plane! I NEED TO GET ON THAT PLANE!"

"Sir, I'll have to ask you to calm down. And, again, I'm sorry, but that flight is already scheduled for take-off. It was delayed, but sir… _sir, _you _can't _get on that plane!'

Any other place and Kyou would have punched that guard out. Any other situation and he would have used force, use anything; his anger, he power, he words; just to get through that gate. Any _other_ place.

But he wasn't that much of an idiot. Already he could see the plane rolling towards the take-off strip, windows hopelessly small specks on the vast whiteness of the plane. Windows small and people even smaller as they hid behind the pull-down shutters.

The wrong way. He had been running the _wrong way_.

Wrong again, it was going all wrong. There was no girl with ribbons in her hair. There were no apologies, no explanations. Only specks of windows against the white, and as Kyou stared through the large, glass windows of the airport overlooking the planes he couldn't help but think of all the '_what'_s and '_if'_s of his situation. He couldn't help but conjure up that perfect fantasy again, where he and Tohru were actually together. Where they were happily running together and she wasn't getting married and she wasn't growing up.

Kyou refused to have more memories of her. He couldn't stand any more memories because he didn't _want_ memories. He wanted moments - moments to share.

Take-off.

He was watching her plane, and it was taking off into this new world. A vast empty world where everything was blue and flecked with clouds of white. It was surreal. Somehow it was surreal. It was just a plane, just the sky and just a girl.

But just a girl didn't make him feel this way. Just a girl didn't justify his feelings, and just a girl didn't make his heart break. Tohru wasn't just a girl.

The plane was no more than a speck now. He could hardly see it in the vast blue of the sky, hardly make out the even smaller windows with their shutters down and their passengers hidden.

It finally hit him that Tohru was gone. She wasn't going to come back and she wasn't going to mail him. She was going to hate him. She was going to be angry that he had stopped talking to her… maybe heartbroken, but heartbreak wasn't something you wrote about. Heartbreak wasn't something that you revealed over the mail.

She would be angry and gone. Kyou didn't know which one broke him more - the fact that the one woman he loved would hate his very being, or the fact that he would never see her again.

He pounded one fist against the large glass window, and looked down at his other. The picture frame he held was meaningless now. What did he need with a reminder that his Tohru was gone? What did he need of two smiling children who had grown up and lost one another?

They were stupid questions with ridiculous answers, but he couldn't help but grip the picture even tighter. He couldn't pry his fingers from the frame, and he couldn't help but clear the invisible hair that fell in front of Tohru's face. He could almost imagine how it would have been. But almost didn't cut it, and he wasn't going to get Tohru back.

His grip had loosened now. He bent down and gently placed the picture on the floor. The moment before he turned away, he took a last glance. His counterpart was looking up at him, oblivious that he was in the process of losing a friend. If only he had run faster.

Wrong.

How he wished it was really just one big game - a childish game where, in one way or another, everyone wins and gets their fair share of the prize. Somehow. Just one big game of hide-and-seek, a game where somehow everyone wins, with Tohru hiding and Kyou searching for her. So simple.

But life was a game with losers - and simply, he had lost.

He took another look out the window and into the sky.

The plane was gone.

* * *

_**Capheine says: **The end?_

Wednesday, December 15, 2004


	12. The End of a Love Story

- RomanceDOTcom -  
**12: The End of a Love Story  
**Wednesday, December 15, 2004

_**Capheine says: **So it wasn't the end._

_**Disclaimers: **My story, her characters. Now read._

* * *

Defeated, he turned his back on the window, head hung down in a shamelessly hopeless way.

Later he would wonder how he had even gotten home, how he had driven his motorcycle all the way to his townhouse. But now, now he only carried thoughts of her. And still, he thought unbelievingly, 'she was the same girl'. The thought would occupy his mind for nights. Such lonely nights.

Things weren't supposed to go like this. He supposed he _could_ spend his lifetime cursing at himself for letting things get this ridiculous.

But who cared?

That didn't get him Tohru back.

The nights were long without her. And it was a little sad to think of the way that things could have been if he just wasn't so stupid. If he hadn't been ignorant, or angry. Or maybe if he had asked why.

He still wondered why he had never asked her before. Why he couldn't have built up the courage to ask her for explanations, why he couldn't have tucked away his ego for one moment? The why part still bothered him, but really, was he going to complain? He had fallen in love with the same girl twice. Was he going to deny the fact that he loved her any further?

Of course not.

Because he might've been angry at himself - heck, even at Tohru - simply because they weren't together. But just because they weren't together didn't mean that he didn't love her or couldn't stop loving her.

Not after this lifetime thinking of her. After all, she was his inspiration and, in a way, his rock. She was always there, even if they were miles apart, even after years of not seeing one another; she had stayed his friend for what seemed to be forever. She had occupied his dreams and his songs for the better part of his life.

Was he going to leave her as a memory? Was he only going to think back at her, reminiscing about the times that they shared in the past?

Well, yes.

What _else_ could he do?

If he couldn't hold her, he would hold on to the memories. Caress those sweet memories that would hold him over on the long, lonely nights.

* * *

The phone was ringing again. It had never ceased ringing ever since he had gotten home and the rings were beginning to plague him like locusts, assaulting his ears endlessly. But he wouldn't pick up the phone. He wouldn't even talk. How could he answer anyone when he couldn't even answer himself? He was this pathetic loser. A loser who had lost not only his love, but all confidence in the way the world worked.

Kyou pulled out the phone cord with a rough tug, disconnecting himself from the world. But every time he turned his back on the phone, it seemed to jolt awake again. He knew he was only imagining things, but the tinny ring of the phone would never leave him alone.

Especially in the night.

He was trying to busy himself with other things as the sun set, but needless to say, it wasn't working. Every time the sun set, it felt as if the sky would fall around him. It would isolate him from the rest of the world, which was, in a way, his ironic bliss. He wanted to be left alone, but at the same time, he wished to be together with someone.

Together with Tohru, naturally, because he couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

The night brought him a blanket of peace and quiet, but the quiet would soon turn to that blasted ringing of the _disconnected _phone. Maybe it wasn't even his phone; it was the angry buzzing at the back of his mind. Blasting at him his own angry words, his own accusations, and the terrible pain wouldn't leave him. It was eating away at him mind, and it felt as if he was burning from the inside out. A painful, acidic sort of burn that would occupy his nights and his days; his mornings and afternoons; every waking moment and every moment as he slept, because it would haunt his dreams as well.

Her face would haunt his dreams.

He sat down and tried to shake himself from his monologue, picking up his guitar. Strumming some dissonant chords, he suddenly felt the urge to smash his instrument - turn his fingers against the very thing that had brought him so much love before. Because, he realized a little too late, his music was painful in the most depressing way.

For this was the music composed with a certain girl in mind. He couldn't face the notes, not even the rests between those precious notes because he couldn't play without thinking of her. He couldn't play or sing without picturing her laughing face.

The anger would buzz in the back of his mind, reminding him constantly of how stupid he had been. Had he been braver perhaps - had he taken her hand more than once, told her that she was special - things would have been different.

He gripped the neck of his guitar a little harder, and for a moment hesitated. This music was a painful reminder, yes, but was he really ready to give this up? Was he really ready to give up all hope?

After all, he had come to the conclusion that all these things had been his fault. _He_ was the one who had realized things too late. _He_ was the one who had fooled himself into thinking that there were two Tohru's, rather than the same precious _one_. It was his stupidity that had ruined things. He could just as easily fix things, couldn't he?

But the ringing of that lonely phone and the endless angry buzzing at the back of his mind told him otherwise. Instead of offering any sort of hope or light, his mind and broken heart had turned against him, and spitefully they would mix together into a symphony meant only for the insane.

Kyou stopped for one moment and smiled, despite himself. Insanity. That was it, wasn't it? It isn't love unless it's insanity. _You aren't in love unless you're truly mad_.

He cursed inwardly, and reluctantly picked up a pen. No matter how pathetic he was feeling, his songwriting self would not let him stay idle when such inspiration was at work. 'It isn't love until it's madness' he quickly scribbled down.

Strumming his guitar he realized he felt lighter perhaps, and for one brief moment he might have even felt happy.

Because he was still holding onto her memory. He was still certain he was never going to let her go. And this caused him undeniable pain. But he was happy. He was happy for that one brief moment, because he realized _he wasn't alone_.

He began to write frantically, almost desperately.

After all, you aren't alone until even the pain has disappeared.

* * *

Tapping the microphone lightly, Kyou murmured words to test its status, and immediately the crowd was enraptured. Or the female crowd at least. A small, swooning group had already gathered at the foot of the small stage, sitting in the beanbags chairs at the Neon.

It was undeniable, Kyou's attraction to nightlife; Kyou had long before fallen in love with the neon lights and the hushed traffic. It gave him a perfect excuse to get his mind off his pain, which had regrettably morphed into his companion. Many nights he had spent, sitting, staring at their old picture together. Torturing himself endlessly, because he liked the feeling of that torture.

Again he tapped the microphone and this time coughed. He strummed some solitary notes from his guitar, hesitant to continue.

Because he had decided that after this song, he would be done with her.

He would be done with her memories, and done with the pain. No longer would he rely on this ironic bliss.

He could move on, after all. At least, he hoped he could. He would sing this song and be done with her. Done with her.

Closing his eyes, he began:

_I see you in the corner of my eyes  
I'm constantly chasing your shadow  
You're making my mind twist and turn  
Round and down until, I fall for you  
Again_

_Because it isn't love unless it's madness  
And I swear I see you at the back of the room  
But it isn't love unless it's madness  
And I know, I know that I'm only chasing  
Your shadow_

_Again  
I find that I'm lost  
Spinning around and around  
Round the situation and the words you've told me before  
Three words, twice said, one kiss  
And nothing gained, except for insanity_

_You said "it isn't love unless it's madness"  
And you left that insanity by my side  
You disappeared from this spinning world  
With only your words and shadow  
Playing across the room and through my head_

_Because it isn't love unless it's madness  
And I swear I see you at the back of the room  
But it isn't love unless it's madness  
And I know, I know that I'm only chasing  
Your shadow_

_So while I'm waiting for you to return  
I'll play with your memories in my head  
Dance with your shadow maybe_

_You said "it isn't love until it's madness"  
You said "it isn't love until it's madness"  
But I've gone crazy  
And all I can say is that  
I love you_

He ended the song with one single note, a cappella, and in the oddly romantic way it always did, it hung in the air: a solitary witness of his lies.

For Kyou already knew that he was lying to himself. He could never give up Tohru. He had known he was lying to himself mid-way through the song - no, the moment his fingers struck the chords - and he had known he was making up this fantasy world without Tohru.

Because behind his closed eyes, he had watched Tohru grow up. Grow up from that little girl to the woman that he loved. He had watched her grow and he knew that his lovehad never wavered.

It was sad to say that he had lied to himself, but she was just too precious to let go. Let pain be his companion for the rest of his life, because he refused to stop loving her. _Ever_.

He opened his eyes, challenging the rest of the world to defy his decision… and he saw one particular girl standing out from the crowd.

Kyou was far too proud to admit to himself that he was seeing things. Or at least, he thought he was seeing things. But somehow her image was far too vivid to be something so imaginary. And his heart was beating far too fast for this to be unreal.

The girl'sbrown hair was windswept as if she had just stepped inside, but her brown eyes were shy, almost troubled, by the decision of whether to leave or stay. She was by the doorway, half-way here and half-way gone. She took a step inside, however, and threw Kyou a cautious smile.

And from across the room, Kyou smiled as well.

* * *

_**Kyou 13; says: **I never got a chance to tell you…  
__**(( Tohru )) says: **…I love you?  
__**(( Tohru )) says: **I know  
__**(( Tohru )) says: **I know_

* * *

**THE END**

* * *

_**Capheine says: **OMJ it's the end! My my, this makes me monumentally happy because this will mark the second 'long story' I've written! And I finished this within a year! Oh hoorah! Oh happy day!_

_I hope you enjoyed this story and enjoyed the ending. Pardon the cheesiness. Now I need ideas for an epilogue, because sadly, _I have no idea what the epilogue should include_. If you have any ideas, either e-mail me or leave a review. 'Sall good._

_Thank you for being a loyal reader, and thank you reviewers for your reviews!_

Monday, February 07, 2005


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